Landslide
by blangsteryo
Summary: Blaine just wants to be himself- which is almost impossible when his insides are so completely different from his outside. Will he ever find someone who loves and accepts both? /An ongoing AU project which can be read as canon. Starts Blaine's freshman year of high school and follows the storyline of the actual show. With some added bits.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings (for the whole story): gender dysphoria (ftm!Blaine), violence, homophobia, hate crime, and puberty.

A quick note: When you reach the chapters that take place during (TPD) a specific episode, you need to have seen that episode (and a quick refresher doesn't hurt) because I will reference the scenes in them, but I do not type them up verbatim. In fact, sometimes I will not reference everything that happens in the episode as we both know you've seen them. So you need to know that those things happened even if they are not in this fic. Chance of spoiler is very low. All TPD chapters have any applicable episode titles at the very beginning.

A quicker note: shhhhh, my fic is canon.

Chapter One: Responsiblity

"Hi."

The senior turned to look down at the freshman. "Hi?"

"You're Tyler, right?"

"That's me. Do we know each other…?"

"No, I'm a freshman. I was just- Do you have a minute?"

It must've been the look of terror staring at him, but Tyler's face softened in concern. "Sure. What's up?"

"I just- Could we talk… not in the hallway?"

"Sure, sweetie."

The younger student flinched a little at the endearment, but if Tyler noticed, he didn't say anything. They stole into a classroom. "Convention of the gays," someone muttered as they passed.

"Don't let it bother you," Tyler smiled charmingly. "They're just trying to get a reaction."

"Oh."

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Tyler seemed to shift instantly into protective mode, wrapping the suddenly crying student in a hug. "What's up?" he asked again.

"I- You're… gay, right?"

"Uh," Tyler let go and tried to laugh a little. "Yeah, why?"

"How do you know?"

"Just do," Tyler shrugged. "I just… have no interest in girls. I really don't know how else to explain it. Are you having some-"

"I think I'm gay."

"Okay," Tyler nodded, taking the admission in stride. "Is there a specific girl making you feel this way?"

"A boy."

"But then-"

"I don't- I'm not- I've never felt like… I just feel like I was born wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, I just… I don't like my body."

"You're really pretty, though."

"That's the problem. I don't want to be pretty. I want to be… I dunno, handsome? I don't like… I just feel like a boy. I feel like I was supposed to be a boy. I wish I'd never hit puberty."

Tyler considered for a long moment. "Have you heard the term transgender?"

"Yeah. It's like drag queens, right?"

"Okay. Sort of. Your definition's a little sparse. Unfortunately, we are both going to be very late to class, so… Why don't you do some googling when you get home? I bet it'll help."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Sure. And, if you want to talk again… Just let me know."

"Thanks. Oh, god. I didn't even- I'm C-"

"Why don't you hold off on the introduction?" Tyler suggested kindly. "I'll see you around, okay?"

That was how one freshman ended up surreptitiously googling new words in an incognito window. After an hour or two, one thing stood out as fact: he was not as crazy as he thought he was.

"Hey, mom, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, sweetie. What's up?"

He held out a slip of paper. "I want to get an after school job."

"Honey, you don't need to get a job."

"I know, mom," he replied. "That's why I want one. I want to earn my own money. Learn the value of a dollar. All that cliché stuff."

"But you don't need money, sweetheart. You're 14."

"I want to save up for a car," he lied quickly.

She paused, and then a smile sliced its way onto her features. "That's really nice," she told him. "What sort of job do you want to get?"

"I was thinking of applying to the grocery store down the street. That way I can just walk and I don't have to get a ride."

"I don't know how I feel about my fourteen year old daughter walking around the city by herself…"

"I'll carry pepper spray or something if it'll make you feel better," he mumbled. "I really want to do this, mom."

She hesitated, but in the end smiled her approval. He brandished the signed work permit like a diploma. The grocer was perfectly happy to take on a bag boy, and it barely even bothered the new employee that they all called him "her." He was working four three-hour shifts a week, and making almost $100. He'd even finally picked out a new name.

"Hi," he said, popping up next to Tyler's locker the next day.

"Hey," Tyler greeted. "How is it going, my fine young friend?"

"It is going quite well, aged mentor," he bantered back. They'd taken to playful monikers and neither had used the other's name. Of course, Tyler still didn't know his. "I thought it was about time we were properly introduced."

"Oh?" Tyler's eyebrows rose. "How exciting."

"I'm Blaine," he said, extending his hand to the older boy.

"Tyler. Very pleased to meet you, sir."

Blaine grinned at the title. "So, I was thinking- the Glee club has some kind of concert tonight and… would you like to go?"

"Sure," Tyler said. "But you should know- the Glee club is kind of uncool. Actually, going to their concert might sort of paint a target on your back."

"So we shouldn't go?" Blaine clarified.

Tyler shook his head. "If you want to go, you should. As for me, I'm the only openly gay kid at this school. I've already got a target on my back."

Blaine tried not to acknowledge the feeling that he was somehow a coward for being in the closet. "I want to go," he nodded. "Actually, I kind of wish I could join Glee club."

"So join."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I got a part time job," Blaine beamed triumphantly. "The rehearsals would conflict with my shifts. Besides, they'd probably make me sing girl songs anyway."

"We'll see," Tyler said. "Come on, sour grapes. You're going to be late for math."

Blaine couldn't help the small grin that popped up on his face. Tyler knew his class schedule. "I'll see you tonight then," he said and waved as they backed away from each other.

That afternoon at work, he made use of his employee discount for the first time. "My mom missed a step and hurt her ankle," he lied easily as his manager rang up the ACE bandage. It was tight, scratchy, and rubbed painfully at his sides. It was perfect. He put on a t-shirt and marveled at how flat his chest was. A knock at the door startled him and he grabbed frantically for his trusty grey hoodie.

He was just pulling it down over his waist when his mom entered. "You ready to go, sweetheart?"

Blaine nodded. "Just need to put shoes on."

He glanced at his dresser, quickly stepping into his mom's sightline to sweep the packaging from the ACE bandage into his sock drawer before she saw it. He pulled out two pairs of white socks and began to lace on his tennis shoes. They had pink stripes and he was really not excited about that. "So how was work today?" she asked easily.

"Good," he replied. "I stocked mostly. Someone broke a jar of pickles so I got to use the mop."

"Your father and I are very proud of you, you know," she said. "Not many girls your age have the drive to get a job this early."

"Well, I just thought it would be fun. Besides, it'll be nice to have some spending money saved up for college or some kind of class trip. Or anything else that might come up."

She only smiled at him fondly, and he sort of hated it. He could practically hear her thinking something that involved "my little girl" or something to that effect. "Well, I'll meet you downstairs."

She left and he glanced at his sock drawer again, thinking about whether or not he could get away with shoving one into his pants. Better not. He shoved his wallet into his back pocket and trailed down the stairs after his mother.

"So." His mother broke the silence between them in the car as though they'd been talking the whole time. "You're going to this concert with a boy?"

Blaine felt his cheeks heat up. "Tyler."

"Is he cute?"

"Mom!"

"Oh, come on."

"Yes, he's cute."

"And?"

"And I'm totally not his type, mom."

She scoffed. "Sweetie, I know you're a little uncomfortable with your body, but all girls your age are. You are beautiful. Trust me. You're his type."

Blaine decided not to argue. He'd heard his father's comments when they repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell and his mother hadn't argued. It was best if he didn't mention the word "gay" around his mom. "Thanks, mom," he mumbled.

"So, how did you meet him?"

"Our lockers are near each other. We just started talking." It was only a partial lie, anyway. For the first time, it seemed to occur to Blaine how much he was lying and it was starting to make him uncomfortable. In fact, dressing like a girl was starting to feel like a lie. Everything about his life was starting to feel like a lie. They pulled into the school parking lot and he saw Tyler. He was totally honest around Tyler. That wasn't a lie. The discomfort in his stomach bubbled away and he smiled.

"Is that him?" his mother asked excitedly. Blaine's face must've answered for him. "Hang on. How old is this boy?"

"He's a senior," Blaine mumbled.

"Corinne-"

"Mom," Blaine interrupted, the sound of his birth name threatening to send him spiraling into depression. "We're just friends."

"Honey, he's a senior. I know it may seem like-"

"Mom, I am not a kid anymore. I know exactly what you're afraid of, and Tyler's a good guy, okay?"

She looked hesitant, but it was too late to turn back now. "Do you have your pepper spray?"

Blaine gave her a look and got out of the car. "The concert's over at nine. It's only an hour. Not nearly enough time for my senior friend to try anything, okay?"

Tyler gave him a questioning look as he approached and Blaine shook his head. "Just convincing my mom you're not going to slip something into my drink to drag me off and have your way with me."

"Does she know you're…?"

"No."

"Then my being gay wasn't a big enough clue?"

Blaine opened the door and held it for his friend. "Let's just say there's a reason I talked to someone I'd never met instead of my parents."

"Oh." Tyler, perfect person that he was, took the opportunity to change the subject. "So, what if I told you that you could be in the Glee club and still make it to your job on time?"

"What?"

"Well, I happen to be very important people-" Tyler laughed- "Okay, I have a friend in the Glee club. Apparently, you only have to make one after school rehearsal a week as long as you're keeping up with the choreography."

Blaine's eyes widened and his heart leapt. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Tyler nodded. "You just need a signed permission slip that says you have a ride home."

"Oh, my god!" In excitement, Blaine hugged Tyler who laughed good naturedly at his enthusiasm. "This is so cool!"

"You'll have to wait until next semester, but this is their last show until spring anyway, so…"

"Thank you," Blaine said sincerely. "Really."

"Sure thing. Now, let's see what you're getting yourself into."

Blaine grinned through the entire concert- even the mind-blowingly impressive rendition of "Gethsemane" which was definitely not a happy song.

By the time his mom picked him up, he was practically exploding with enthusiasm. "I guess it was a good concert?" his mom laughed.

"It was so good, mom!" Blaine exclaimed. "They're so talented. Can I join the Glee club, mom? I only have to make one after-school rehearsal a week. I promise I can keep my grades up, and-"

"Alright, alright," she beamed. "You have me convinced. I have never met a more responsible fourteen year old."

"Seriously?!"

"Yes," she nodded as they pulled onto the main road. "Just promise me that if you're having trouble keeping up, you'll tell me."

"Promise," Blaine agreed eagerly. "I'll get the form for you to sign tomorrow, okay?"

They spent the drive home with Blaine almost entirely in monologue, interrupted occasionally by his mother's curiosity in his nonexistent love life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Cloud Nine

"Miss Johnson?" Blaine knocked nervously on the Glee director's door.

The teacher looked up. "Hello," she smiled. "Can I help you?"

"I wanted to join the Glee club," Blaine said. "I know I have to wait until the next semester, but-"

"You want to join?" Miss Johnson interrupted. "Actually _want_ to?"

"Yeah," Blaine nodded vigorously. "I saw the concert last night and it was- it was amazing."

Apparently Tyler hadn't been exaggerating about the Glee club being uncool. Miss Johnson looked like Christmas had come early. Twice. "Well, you're welcome to join us now. We can always use new singers. Do you dance?"

"Not- I've never had any lessons, but I'm sure I could get it if I tried."

"That's what I like to hear!"

"I have an after school job, though," Blaine confessed. "I can't make all of the rehearsals…"

"That's alright," the teacher told him. "We'll get you a parent form and you can join us whenever you can. We'll get you a head start for next semester. Now-" she pulled a slip of paper from a file- "What name should I put on the form?"

Blaine's face fell. "Um." Suddenly he felt nauseous. "Never mind."

"What?"

"I changed my mind. I'll just- I'll see you around."

"Hold on," Miss Johnson said, and he stopped, feeling a powerful impulse to run. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Blaine mumbled.

She stood up and shut the door. "Now, that is not a nothing face. Sit." Blaine hesitated, and she gave him a look. So he sat. "Now, what's up?"

Blaine shrugged. "Is there a reason you don't want to ask your parents to sign the form?" she pressed. Blaine's eyes widened. "Are you having trouble at home?"

"What?" Blaine blurted out. "I- No, everything's fine-"

"You can talk to me, sweetheart."

"Nothing's wrong at home," Blaine insisted. "I just… Don't like my name."

She half-laughed as though she thought he was joking. When she realized he was serious, her face switched to confusion. "What's wrong with your name?"

Blaine shrugged. "I don't like it."

"Then how about we give you a nickname?" she suggested. "It'll take some thought, but off the top of my head…"

"I don't want a nickname," Blaine cut her off. "It's… Corinne. My name's Corinne Anderson."

Her face lit up. "Are you Cooper's little sister?"

For reasons that he couldn't explain, he just started crying. "Okay," Miss Johnson said quickly. "Wrong thing to say. I'm sorry I upset you. Would you like a hug or…?"

Blaine shook his head, wiping his eyes, face burning in humiliation. "I'm sorry. I promise I'm not like this."

"You have nothing to apologize for," she assured him. "But, if you want to join the Glee club, and I think you do, we're going to have to figure out how to make it so that this doesn't happen again. And to do that, you have got to talk to me, kiddo."

"Can I be called Blaine?"

The question clearly wasn't the response she was expecting. She canted her head, as if questioning whether or not he was serious. "Sure," she said. "Any particular reason?"

Suddenly Blaine started talking. And talking. It felt like he was pouring out everything he'd thought in the past year until, finally, he said "and my parents don't know," and went silent.

She studied him for a moment and the full weight of everything he'd said dawned on him. His hands balled into fists. What if she was like his parents? What if she was worse? What if she was part of some secret religious cult that was going to corner him in a parking lot late one night- he wouldn't know when or where, but they'd find him kind of cult.

"That must be hard."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, still not quite sure where she was going with this.

"So, Blaine," she picked up the conversation. "I should put your other name on the form and we won't mention it again?"

His mouth fell open. "I- what? I mean, you- I can-?"

She smiled kindly. "I'm not in the habit of excluding students for being different," she shrugged. "And I'm not in the habit for making them feel bad for things they can't help. In fact, I think you should celebrate what makes you different."

"Really?"

"Don't let anyone tell you that what makes you different makes you bad or wrong, sweetheart," she said, and for the first time the endearment didn't make Blaine flinch. "Get that form signed and come to rehearsal."

"Okay," Blaine beamed. He nodded as he stood. "Okay."

"See you soon."

"Bye," he grinned and practically flew down the hall to Tyler's locker.

Tyler was just closing his locker, so Blaine had made it in time to walk him to his next class. He'd used his entire lunch period, but it had been worth it. "Someone looks happy," Tyler remarked.

"You are looking at the newest member of Glee club," Blaine grinned.

"Congratulations," Tyler laughed.

"She called me Blaine and everything," Blaine said. "I think- I think I'm going to talk to my other teachers and ask them to-"

"To call you Blaine?" Tyler suggested.

Blaine nodded. "Do you think-?"

"I think it's awesome," Tyler said. "But only if you really think you're ready for that. You shouldn't… make a rash decision about it."

Blaine nodded in understanding. "Hey, I was thinking," he changed the subject. "If you can't find anyone else, do you want to go to the dance with me?" Tyler seemed caught off guard by the question. "As friends," Blaine added quickly.

Tyler smiled. "Sure." Blaine beamed. Tyler held up a hand. "But this deal goes both ways, dude. I'll only go with you if you don't find anyone else."

Blaine shook his head and laughed. "Okay," he agreed, even though he knew Tyler was just being nice. "I've got to get to class and you, my good sir, are going to be late for English."

"You know my class schedule," Tyler mock-flailed.

"You knew mine first," Blaine threw back in a tone of mock accusation. They both smiled as they parted ways.

Blaine had a problem and his name was Tyler. He had fallen far and hard, and it was going to be really hard to climb back up. He'd been pretty sure before, but when he started googling phrases like "how do trans guys have sex?" he knew he was a lost cause.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Dancing Through Life

"So, it's a backward dance," his mom repeated dubiously.

"Yeah," Blaine agreed. "The girls ask the guys, and you're supposed to dress backward."

"Alright," she said just as doubtfully, and slipped another pin into the cuff of the dress pants Blaine had snagged from Cooper's closet. His brother had moved out in July and said that they could do what they wanted with the stuff he left behind. So his mother was hemming the pants to fit Blaine. Even though he was smaller than his brother, the pants still fit since he had… wide hips. "Well, the shirt and vest will be a bit big on you, but as long as you tuck the shirt in, it shouldn't look too ridiculous. Actually, the whole thing is kind of cute."

"Mom," Blaine groaned.

"Oh, let me have my moment." Blaine shook his head but didn't argue anymore. "Okay, that should do it. Go change and I'll have them hemmed in time for tomorrow."

"Thanks, mom," Blaine beamed.

She smiled in silent reply as she shut his bedroom door behind her. He changed into his gym shorts and folded the trousers over an arm before running them down to his mom's sewing room. "So when do I get to meet this guy taking my daughter to this dance?" his father asked as he walked past the office to go back to his room.

"Um," Blaine said, thrown off completely. "You do know we're just friends, right dad?"

"I was a teenage boy once, Corinne," his father said, and Blaine nearly said _me too_, "and there is no such thing as 'just friends' with a girl, sweetie."

"Trust me," Blaine insisted. "He's a good guy."

"Are you bringing your pepper spray?"

Blaine rolled his eyes and continued to his room. When he got there, he tried on the shirt and vest, grinning like a madman at his reflection. The only thing that was out of place was the ponytail at the back of his head. How could he convince his mom to let him cut his hair? More importantly, how could he walk into a hair salon and say "Cut my hair like a boy's," without actually saying that?

It took a while, but by the next morning, he had his story all worked out. "I have to work a little late tonight," he told his mom. "Is it okay if Tyler picks me up from work?" The look on his mom's face told him he needed to keep talking. "His dad is driving." His mom still looked doubtful. Blaine rolled his eyes, "and I'll have my pepper spray."

She sighed. "Alright. But make sure you're home by ten."

"Mom! That barely gives me an hour at the dance!" Blaine protested. "How am I supposed to make friends if I never go anywhere?"

"You're in that Glee club now, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Blaine agreed. "But Glee club's kind of uncool. If I don't make some cool friends soon, I'll be the bottom of the totem pole forever."

She sighed, surveyed him, and sighed again. "Ten thirty."

"Thanks, mom!" Blaine said, glad for what he could get.

"But you have to tell me everything when you get home," his mom added. "I want to know every little detail."

Blaine grimaced. "Yep," he said, knowing he'd avoid it for as long as possible.

Tyler looked up right as Blaine turned the corner to the older boy's locker. Had he already grown so predictable?

"Do you know anyone who cuts hair?" Blaine asked.

"Hello to you, too."

"Sorry," Blaine said. "I just really want to cut my hair, but I can't just walk into the Hair Cuttery and say 'make me look like a boy.'"

"Sure you can," Tyler said. Blaine gave him a look of incredulity. Tyler held up a hand. "Just tell them it's for a play. This is Ohio. No one's going to give you a second glance."

"Okay," Blaine said uncertainly.

"You'll be fine," Tyler assured him. "If you're nervous about it, I can go with you and tell them you're playing my younger brother. I've hung out with enough theatre kids to know that there are never enough boys. Girls plays guys all the time."

"And they get their hair cut."

"If they question it, say you're allergic to wigs."

"How is someone allergic to wigs?"

"Blaine." Tyler put his hands on Blaine's shoulders and he could feel his cheeks heating up. He tried to think of puppies or Glee club or… world hunger. Anything to beat back the flush painting his face. "Relax. Unless you look nervous about it, they're not going to question it. Maybe I should go with you and pretend to actually be your older brother. You look kind of young. They might not cut your hair if it's just you."

"Maybe I should just cut it myself," Blaine suggested.

"No," Tyler said immediately, looking horrified. "Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"Back of your head," he explained. "Trust me on this one. Look, I'll meet you after school. It'll be fine. Chill."

Blaine smiled weakly. "Okay."

"Okay," Tyler said. "Get to history."

"You know my class schedule," Blaine pretended to swoon.

Tyler only laughed. "See you later."

Blaine's brow furrowed as Tyler walked away. For the first time, it occurred to him that he'd never seen the senior hang out with any other friends? It had to be a coincidence. Otherwise, it would mean that everyone in the school really was that homophobic. Or that they were too afraid to stand up to bullies. Except Tyler.

And Blaine.

He spent his lunch shift in the pricipal's office- by choice. He told the principal- in fewer words, and with as much certainty as he could muster- that he was transgender and that he needed his professors to call him by male pronouns because it was hard to focus in class when he felt uncomfortable in the environment.

It was temporarily awkward, but by the time he left, it had been a success. Blaine had just enough time to beat his classmates to his next professor. When the math professor called roll, he called Blaine Anderson. Since he was first on the roster, everyone was still at least paying half attention. Therefore, roughly half the class turned to look at him.

Calmly, totally collected and behaving as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened, raised his hand and said "Here."

The feeling of elation continued coursing through his entire body through class, through the hallways, even after he made eye contact with Tyler at the end of the day only to have it broken as he was shoved into a locker. "You alright?" Tyler was asking.

Blaine only grinned. "I am great," he replied giddily.

Tyler grabbed him by the arm and hauled him into a corner. "Blaine, are you high?" he asked and Blaine only laughed. "Blaine, what did you take?"

"Nothing," Blaine answered. "I am just really, really happy."

"Blaine," Tyler pressed.

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "I went to the principal during lunch. All my teachers are calling me Blaine now."

Tyler's eyes widened. "That was… really fast, Blaine."

"I don't really see why I should've waited around," he shrugged. "I'm not going to change. I can't pretend to be a girl forever. People are going to find out eventually."

"You just got shoved into a locker, Blaine."

"Yeah, but I bet they wouldn't shove a girl into a locker."

"Blaine, this is serious!" Tyler turned away. "It isn't all muttered insults and locker shoves."

"Okay, enlighten me," Blaine spread his arms open. "What else is there to being out and proud?"

"Don't you get it?" Tyler asked him. "Why do you think I'm never busy when you call or I never hang out with anyone else?"

"Because kids are assholes," Blaine said.

Tyler shook his head in disbelief. "Exactly, Blaine. Your friends are all going to treat you like you've got a disease. Even the ones that still like you, they'll only hang out with you when no one's around and then even that will be too much for them. The bullies are in charge here, Blaine. If they don't like you, everyone's scared off."

"Will you be?" Blaine asked pointedly.

"That's not the point."

"But you're still my friend."

"Of course I am, but-"

"Then that's all my friends right there," Blaine admitted. "I guess, since I'm younger, you never wondered why I call you so often?"

"I assumed it was because I was your only gay-"

"Well, you assumed wrong."

Tyler's expression grew sympathetic and, Blaine was unhappy to realize, a little bit pitying. "Well, then. I guess you made the best possible decision. Will you be telling your parents soon?"

"Oh, god no," Blaine shook his head emphatically. "They'll probably just make more of an effort to call me a girl."

"Well, your secret's safe with me. I'll see you at the hair place in an hour?"

Blaine nodded.

He pulled on the slacks, shirt, and vest when he got home. He looked helplessly at the tie. Why not? It was one of the fundamental experiences of a son to…

Blaine knocked on his father's office door before he'd even realized he was leaving his room. "Dad, could you teach me how to tie a tie?"

His father gave him a look that said he'd heard all about this "dressing backward" idea from Blaine's mother, and wasn't thrilled about it. He led Blaine down the hall to the closet where he kept his work clothes and produced a tie. "Watch closely," he said. "Like this."

With that, his father pushed up his collar and flipped the tie over his head so that it was shiny-side-out against the upturned collar. Blaine mirrored his actions as he measured the uneven length of each end, wrapped the tie, pulled it through, tightened it in a perfect triangle at the center of his neck. Blaine's was a little lumpy. "I could use some practice, I guess," Blaine grinned sheepishly.

"It's good you don't have to wear ties," his father said simply. "Can you remember that?"

Blaine nodded.

"Good, I've got to get back to work."

Blaine nodded. His father left. Blaine glanced at the clock.

He grabbed his phone and keys and rushed out the door. "See you at ten thirty!" he called. "Got to get to work!"

His hair looked brilliant. As long as he didn't talk, no one could possibly doubt that Blaine was a boy. He offered his arm, and Tyler took it. They hopped on the A bus to get back to school. Blaine wished the buses ran past seven so they could take it home, but he was happy enough they could take it one way. Somehow, traveling independently, without any grown ups, felt a lot more like he and Tyler might actually be on a date. He felt his cheeks heat up for about the hundredth time.

They had dinner at IHOP, and headed over to the gym which was just beginning to fill with students. Blaine's feet slipped around in Cooper's high school shoes, even though he'd gone to the trouble of wearing two pairs of socks and shoving one in each of the toes. He tried not to think about how ridiculous he might look with the too-big shoes on his feet. At least he wasn't stumbling over them.

The music was loud and upbeat, and they danced across from each other without touching. It was fun, but that didn't quell Blaine's disappointment when they sat the slow song out. He noticed a couple jocks pointing in their direction and making what was some clearly derisive comment, but didn't let it get to him. After they each finished a glass of punch, they went back out to dance to the latest Lady Gaga song. "Walk, walk, fashion, baby," Tyler spoke along with the song, making ridiculous poses that made Blaine laugh. He mimicked Tyler's actions, feeling ridiculous but giddy.

Even better, the jocks had left and no one was hassling them. It was like the magic of shared fun made everyone too happy to pick on each other. Or maybe it was that the main bullies of the school had left so there was no one to enforce the social hierarchy of the school. Blaine's phone vibrated in his pocket. It was an alarm to tell him that it was ten o'clock. Tyler's dad would be there to pick them up in twenty minutes.

"Time to go?" Tyler asked over the music.

"One more dance," Blaine said. "Then we'll go outside."

"One more song," Tyler agreed.

To Blaine's barely containable delight, the next song was a slow one. Tyler seemed ready to back out, but Blaine grabbed his hand. "What are you afraid of?" he asked.

Tyler hesitated, but took Blaine's waist. They danced, slowly, the regulation foot apart. Blaine felt a little shiver go up his sides where Tyler's hands were. He tried very, very hard not to let it get to his head, but it was a little too late as his head was already filled with Tyler's smile and laugh and hands on his hips, and even just his presence while Blaine braved the hair salon in a suit. Well, most of a suit anyway.

The song ended, but the faint buzzing in his brain kept his mouth parted in joy. Tyler grabbed his coat from the chair he'd draped it over and they headed outside. "That was amazing," Blaine grinned once they were clear of the noise.

"I have to admit it was a lot more fun than I expected."

"It's a dance," Blaine laughed. "Of course it was fun."

"I actually wasn't planning on going," Tyler shrugged. "I'm glad you convinced me to."

"Well, I'm very happy I could cure you of your hermit-dom."

They sat in companionable silence on the steps that led to the emergency exit. It was all Blaine could do not to cry out in surprise when Tyler took his hand. Blaine looked up at the older boy. "Thanks," Tyler said sincerely. "I can honestly say this is the first time since I came out that I felt like I had a friend."

Blaine squeezed Tyler's hand in reply.

"Oh, look." Blaine cringed at the grating sound of Jamie Roberts' voice. "It's the gay boy and the gay girl holding hands, having a moment. Are we interrupting?"

"As a matter of fact, you are," Tyler answered fearlessly. "Why don't you guys just go home or go back to the dance and have fun like normal human beings?"

"See, it's hard to feel like normal human beings when you abnormal things are hanging around, screwing up our dance."

"Oh, sorry," Blaine chimed in. "I totally get where you're coming from, as you Neanderthals were making the whole gym smell like hobo."

"Oh, don't even get me started on you," Jamie went on. "A girl pretending to be a boy?"

Blaine was on his feet. "I'm not a girl."

"Yeah, you are," Jamie said.

Tyler grabbed Blaine's arm as he took a step forward. "He's not worth it, Blaine."

"Yeah, it's not like you'd win anyway, little girl."

Blaine growled and pulled free of Tyler's grip, punching Jamie square in the jaw. The other two jocks grabbed Blaine by the arms and held him still. Tyler was on his feet now, trying to get them to let go.

"Leave him alone!" Tyler yelled.

"Don't worry, gay boy," Jamie said. "I would never hit a girl."

"I'm not a girl," Blaine gritted.

"Yeah, you are." With that, Jamie ripped Blaine's shirt open. "What's that, then?"

Blaine clenched his jaw, feeling tears threatening.

"I said to leave him alone," Tyler said, lunging forward. Jamie caught the fist and shoved Tyler backward. He hit the railing by the steps and fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Tyler!"

Jamie leaned in close as Blaine struggled to free himself from the bigger boys' grips. "You know," he said. "You're kind of pretty for a freshman. Or you were until you cut all your hair off. You could've gotten a straight boy. You don't have to dress up for that faggot."

"Fuck you," Blaine snarled.

Jamie laughed, and his friends did too. "I bet you'd like that," he said. "Let her go."

He immediately pulled his shirt closed over the bandage. He thought about going after Jamie, but he'd just noticed the blood. He ran to Tyler's side and called his name, shaking him. "He's not breathing," Blaine panicked.

"Jamie, that's a lot of blood," one of the thugs fretted.

Blaine's hands were shaking. He placed two fingers on Tyler's neck. "You have to call an ambulance," Blaine started to cry. "I can't find a pulse. I can't-" A blow landed on his back. Suddenly there were kicks and punches and he couldn't breathe.

Everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Moving Forward

_You don't tell anyone about this._

_What if we kill her?_

_Then she can't tell anyone._

_Jamie, we can't just-_

"Corinne?" Blaine looked up at the police officer. "Can you tell me who did this?"

_You tell anyone and you die, you little-_

"I don't know." Blaine shook his head, clenching his hands under the hospital blanket to hide the shaking. "I didn't see anything. They- they were wearing ski masks."

"Are you sure?"

_You didn't see anything, bitch._

God, he could still hear their voices on top of the percussion of his body bruising and breaking. "I'm sure," he lied. "I didn't see anything."

The officer looked disappointed. Could he tell Blaine was lying? "Well, if you think of anything," the officer said, "maybe a tattoo or a scar or their clothes, here is my card."

He left the bit of paper on the table by Blaine's bed and that was the last time he spoke to the police about it.

When he returned to school, he couldn't even enjoy Glee club. Jamie had terrified anyone who had the nerve to speak to Blaine into calling him his birth name and she or her whenever they could manage. It got to the point where Blaine felt like nothing but a ball of anxiety that was about to cry at the drop of a hat. Glee club felt like a place where people humored him in order to spare his feelings instead of the safe haven it once was. It felt like everyone saw him as a girl. Like they were just being polite.

His mother had stopped him going to work after the dance. She barely let him out of her sight, and he'd sometimes catch her staring at him with watery eyes. It was like she thought if she took her eyes off him, he'd disappear or get attacked again.

They'd started checking IDs at the door to school. If only the "Have a nice day, Miss Anderson," each morning was the worst part of his day.

After two weeks of misery and fear, Blaine decided he had to do something. Anything. He'd end up killing himself if things didn't get better. First, he tried just seeking words of comfort, watching "it gets better" videos on YouTube, but they were all for gay and lesbian kids. Finally, he tried searching "it gets better ftm" and only ended up feeling worse because the two guys doing the video opened by talking about how they debated making the video at all because only sort of gets better.

He cried himself to sleep that night.

The next day, he did the only thing he could think of to make it better. He printed out a name change form, filled it out, and wrote a check. Instead of Glee rehearsal, Blaine took the bus to the court and filed it. He just had to make sure that he intercepted the mail so that his parents never got the notification.

When he got home, his parents were in a panic. "Where were you?" his mother asked immediately.

"I was at Glee rehearsal," Blaine told her.

"We just got a call from that- Miss Johnson," his mother said and Blaine froze. "You weren't in rehearsal. She says she's worried about you. Wants a meeting. Sweetheart, where were you?"

"I just wanted to go for a walk," Blaine lied. "I needed to think."

"You're fourteen!" his mother cried. "You can't just walk around by yourself! Without telling anyone! You could've been-"

His father wrapped his mother into a hug as she started crying. "You're grounded, young lady," his father said to him. "Dinner is in half an hour, and we are going to have a talk."

Blaine replied by going upstairs to his room. For reasons he couldn't explain, he felt better. He felt… loads better. Filing that name change form was like a step forward. Maybe tomorrow, it'd be back to fear and misery but right now… Blaine was the master of his own fate.

His mother only got worse after the meeting with Ms. Johnson. He had to start going to Glee rehearsals again or she was never going to believe he was alright. He wasn't alright, not yet, not by a long shot, but her smothering only made it worse. It wasn't that he minded them terribly. Singing was the only thing that made him feel normal anymore. But he had to be home to get the mail before his parents. The notification of his name change might come any day now and if they saw, they'd probably contest it. He couldn't go through a big trial or legal battle or whatever it would take to get his name changed without their permission.

Naturally, the notice came the one day he stayed for rehearsal.

His parents were both waiting for him in the living room.

"Corinne."

He saw them both sitting there, hands held on the couch between them, a show of solidarity. "Hi, mom. Dad. Something wrong?"

"Sweetheart, come sit down."

He did, though all of his instincts screamed at him to run the other way.

"We know this has been hard on you," his mother began, "but you can talk to us. You don't have to… Frankly, I don't understand what you think you're going through, but changing your name isn't the answer. Especially not to Blaine. You do know that's a boy's name, don't you sweetheart?"

Blaine took a moment to think. "You're right," he said finally. "It has been hard. I really liked Tyler. He was my best friend and I had a huge crush on him and now he's dead. And it's my fault."

"Oh, sweetheart-"

"No, mom. It is. He wouldn't have gone to that dance if I hadn't asked him. And if he hadn't gone to that dance, he'd still be alive."

"Well, apparently he was gay or something, so I can't say I'm sorry it happened."

Blaine glanced sharply at his father. "What if I were gay, dad?" Blaine asked. "Would you want some jocks to bash my head in, too?"

"Well, you're not gay," his dad said simply. "And what do you mean jocks? I thought you said they were wearing masks. How do you know they were jocks?"

Blaine stood, shaking with rage. "Well, dad. I am gay."

"Of course you aren't," his dad scoffed. "You just told us you had a crush on that boy."

"I am gay," Blaine said. "I like boys, I am a boy, that makes me gay."

"Corinne, sweetheart-"

"No, mom. I'm done pretending to be the perfect little daughter. It's too much. I'm not a girl. I've never been a girl. I can't stand being treated like a girl. It's killing me."

"Of course you're a girl, sweetheart."

"No. I'm not."

"Corinne, I changed your diapers, I think I'd know-"

"I'm transgender, mom. I don't care what you saw when you changed my diapers. I'm not a girl."

"I don't ever want to hear that word come out of your mouth again, Corinne Anderson." His father's voice was dangerous now. "Now, go to your room, put on a dress, and we are going out for a family dinner."

"I'm not putting on a dress." Blaine was still determined, but something in him was afraid.

"You will put on a dress and go to dinner, Corinne, or you will leave this house."

"Dad-"

"I mean it, Corinne. I will not have a daughter who insists she's some kind of tranny whore. Now go put on a dress."

"I'm not going to put on a dress." Blaine's voice was shaking. He looked at his mother, pleading, but she wasn't looking at him. "I'm not a girl."

"You have ten minutes," his father said and stood. "Get your things and get out of my house."

"Dad-" Blaine was crying now.

"Nine minutes."

Blaine stared at his father, but his face didn't soften. Blaine ran upstairs and began to shove what he could into a duffle bag. He couldn't stop crying. As he went to grab an extra pair of shoes from his closet, he saw the four dresses hanging in the corner.

It wasn't too late. He could still… he grabbed the tennis shoes from the floor and shoved them into his bag. He couldn't be a girl. He couldn't do it. His ACE bandage was slipping and digging into his ribs. He reached under his shirt to pull it up and slung the bag over his shoulder just as his father appeared in the doorway. "You don't have to do this," Blaine begged.

"You can come back any time you decide to see reason."

"I'm fourteen."

"Yes. You're fourteen and I won't tolerate disobedience."

"I'm not going to change, dad. This is who I am. I can't help it."

"You can, Corinne. You can stop insisting that your feelings have anything to do with your actions. You can put on a dress and stop acting like a child."

"I'm not… I can't help who I am. Dad, please."

"Get out of my house. I won't have these disgusting ideas in my house. It's an abomination."

Blaine nodded. He couldn't say anything else. He tried looking for his mom on the way out the door, but she'd disappeared.

He was alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Dalton

Note: I tried to research name change processes in Ohio, but it was all a little unclear in the case of minors. It sounds like in some counties they don't even need parental consent? Anyway, the point is that this fic is not a guide on how to change your name because I ended up doing whatever the heck I wanted.

Blaine returned to work as if nothing had happened. He told his boss that he'd taken up football to explain why he always had the duffle bag with him. He found that his parents hadn't bothered to file objections to his name change, assuming he wouldn't be able to go forward with it. He printed out the consent form, forged their signatures, and stopped. He couldn't just intercept his parents' mail every day, hoping they wouldn't notice. There was only one thing he could do.

He pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

"Hello?"

Blaine couldn't help but smile at the familiar voice. "Cooper."

"Hey, what's up?"

"How long has it been since you talked to mom and dad?" Blaine asked.

He could practically hear Cooper shrug. "I called around Christmas. They said you were out with friends, otherwise I would've called you…"

"What?"

"I know, I know. I could've texted or left a message or something, but I had a party to get to- Not that partying is more important than my kid sister- it's just that this director was going to be there-"

"I was in the hospital," Blaine cut in. "They didn't tell you what-"

"You were what?"

"Never mind," Blaine said. "It's not important."

"Of course it's important! Why were you in the hospital? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Probably mom and dad didn't want you to feel like you had to come home. I'm fine."

"What happened?"

Blaine sighed and launched into an extremely abbreviated version of the story. "Did the police catch the guys who did it?"

"No. Listen, Cooper, I don't have time to go into it. I'm at work and my break's almost up. I need your help."

"Yeah, of course. Anything. What do you need?"

"I'm changing my name and I need an address for them to mail the form to. But I can't open a post box or anything without an adult."

"Why are you changing your name? Why can't you just put the house on the form?"

Blaine sat down on the curb of the parking lot. He must've paused too long, because Cooper said "You still there, C?"

"They kicked me out."

"Who?"

"Mom and dad. They kicked me out of the house."

"What?"

Cooper was yelling too loudly, so Blaine had to pull the phone from his ear. He tilted the mouth piece toward his face. "Should I be hearing words like that, Cooper?" he tried to interrupt.

"Of course not!" came the distant and electronically muffled shout of his brother. "You're fourteen! You should be at home with your parents!"

"Are you done yelling?" Blaine called at the mouthpiece. "Can I put the phone back to my ear now?"

There was a quiet reply, that Blaine assumed was a "Yes."

"Why did they kick you out?" Cooper didn't even pause before he said, "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No!" Blaine replied very quickly. He suddenly felt nauseous. At least that hadn't happened to him. "I'm… gay."

Cooper was silent for a long time. It hadn't occurred to Blaine that Cooper would hate him for this, too. "I'm not crazy," he started to ramble. "I know how I feel, and it's not going to change. It's always been this way, Cooper. I can't help it. I can't change, believe me I've tried. Please don't… Not you, too."

"Corinne, I don't care if you're dating men, women, or a platypus so long as both of you are happy about it. You're my sister."

"I'm your brother."

For a second, he heard Cooper laugh as though he expected Blaine to join in. "Wait, what?"

"I have to get back to work, Cooper," Blaine said. "I'll call you after, but can you help me? I have enough saved up to pay for your flight and the PO box, so you'd just need to-"

"Yeah," Cooper said. "Call me as soon as you get off work. And don't go anywhere."

It turned out Cooper spent the rest of Blaine's shift calling their parents and then all of his Ohio friends to see who could pick up his kid sister and let her stay at their apartment until he could get back in state. Cooper had already booked a flight and wouldn't even let Blaine pay for it.

He stayed the night with Cooper's friend Riley. She was nice, but very determined to have "girl talk" to cheer him up and Blaine didn't have the heart to shoot her down. Cooper took him out to lunch the next day and they talked. Well, Blaine talked and Cooper asked questions, but it was the first time he'd felt like anyone was listening to him since Tyler. It was a good feeling.

"So, I should call you Blaine now?"

Blaine nodded. "That would… I would… Thanks, Cooper."

"So. Let's go get your name changed."

And that was it. They put Riley's address on the form, and he arranged for Blaine to stay with Riley when he went back to LA. Everything was going so well, that Blaine was almost surprised when it went wrong.

Apparently Jamie's dad worked in the court and he'd found out about Blaine's name change. When Blaine showed up at Riley's, ready to say goodbye to Cooper, he was doing his best not to walk like breathing hurt or like he'd been kicked a few too many times in the shins. He couldn't ignore the black eye into nonexistence however, and Cooper canceled his flight.

They went in to talk to the principal, who couldn't do anything because Blaine kept insisting he didn't see anything, that the kids who beat him up were all wearing ski masks. Cooper didn't challenge him. Instead, he picked Blaine up from school one day and took a wrong turn.

"Cooper, Riley's is the other way."

"We're not going to Riley's."

"Well, I can't go to LA with you…"

"No," Cooper agreed. "I can't afford to feed two people and my roommates are kind of party animals. Not the place for a kid."

"Then where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

They drove for about an hour before pulling into what looked like a castle. "Dalton Academy," the gate said. "What's Dalton Academy?"

"It's a boarding school," Cooper told him. "Between the two of us, we can cover your tuition and a dormitory. Riley's happy to have you, but she can't afford an extra person any more than I can."

"I can pay for my own food an bus fare, Cooper. I have a job."

"I know, Blaine," Cooper assured him. "But if Riley's landlord finds out she's got someone living with her that isn't on the lease, she'll be in trouble. Maybe even evicted. She says she's fine taking the risk, but I think you'll agree that-"

"Yeah," Blaine interrupted. "I don't want her to get in trouble. But a boarding school?"

"I've had some time off, done some research. It's the perfect place for you."

It didn't take long for Blaine to realize "Cooper, is this an all-boys school?"

"Yeah."

"They're never going to let me enroll, Cooper."

"Sure, they will. We're just going to pop in and meet the headmaster, I already talked to him on the phone…"

"Cooper-"

But his brother had already knocked and the door was opening.

"You must be Blaine. I'm Headmaster Andrews."

"Hi," Blaine said and shook the hand that was offered. "I'm not sure my brother here was thinking when he phoned you about-"

"Why don't you come in and sit down?"

Blaine grimaced and did. "Look. My brother failed to mention that I'm physically female, so I think-"

"Relax," the headmaster said. "Your brother didn't fail to mention anything."

Blaine frowned. "What?"

"He explained your situation at your old school, and I agree with him that Dalton would be a good change. We have a zero tolerance policy on bullying, and it's enforced. Teasing other students results in an immediate detention and any form of violence toward another student results in expulsion."

Blaine's mouth was open.

"Does that sound good?" Cooper asked.

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed. "But the other boys won't want…"

"I don't think it's any of their business," the headmaster said. "Not unless you want it to be."

"I don't."

"Then we'll mark an 'M' on your file and that will be the end of it."

"But… Why? Aren't big fancy places like this all about tradition?"

"Yes," the headmaster agreed. "I don't see how letting you in will hurt any traditions. This is an all-boys school and, unless you intend to behave poorly, I don't see why you'd harm our ideals."

A small sob choked out of him. "Sorry," he apologized immediately. "I'm not normally- Why are you-?"

"My niece was transgender," he told Blaine. He cringed as he realized he'd found the catch. Sure, they'd get his name right, but the headmaster would still call him her and she until he'd "seen the error of his ways" or something. "Her parents weren't very supportive. She'd get in trouble for wearing her sisters' clothes, and last year she committed suicide. I know how important it is that everyone finds acceptance regardless of who they are on the outside."

Oh.

"Oh," he said aloud.

"The only downside is that you'll have to share a room," the headmaster told him. "Only seniors can get single rooms, and they're all full. The bathrooms all have private stalls, and the showers have a separate closed-off area where you can change, so it's not impossible. I'm sure we can arrange for you to get a single room in the fall, so if you think you can make it work for the next three months…?"

"Yes."

"Yes?" Cooper asked and Blaine turned to him.

"Yes."

"I'll start your file."

They paid his tuition and he was all set. Cooper went back to LA, but promised to call at least once a week to check on him. He never used the wrong name, always got Blaine's pronouns right… But the best part was when he heard him say something to someone on the other end about talking to his kid brother. Nothing felt better than hearing Cooper call him brother.

The only thing that still bothered Blaine was that he was going to be fifteen soon. It was very likely that no one would make fun of him for his higher voice, but it was going to stand out at an all-boys school. So, he told Riley he had to work late that Sunday night and did the most dangerous thing he'd done in his life: he met a guy named Ray.

Ray didn't have a last name, and Ray didn't care who you were or what you wanted- as long as you had cash. Blaine had been paid on Friday and was ready to give his last $100 to Ray in exchange for one thing.

He took the box, glanced inside at the light amber liquid and handed the money over. "Nice doing business with you, kid," Ray dismissed him.

That night, Blaine pulled out the pack of syringes and alcohol wipes he'd sold himself (without the discount because he didn't want his boss asking why he was buying them) and gave himself his very first testosterone injection. He'd researched it meticulously, how much to take for his height and weight, how to pull back on the syringe to make sure he was in the muscle and not a vein…

He felt perfect. His mind was racing with euphoria when he laid down on Riley's couch that night. He slept well knowing that he'd be moving to Dalton Academy the next day and that soon his voice would drop just like everyone else in his dorm.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: The Warbler

Blaine entered his new dorm, timidly, not sure what to expect. Within four seconds, all three boys had noticed him. "Hi, I'm Blaine." He said it mostly to break the sudden silence.

"Brian," the nearest boy said. "We thought we were going to have a guest bed all year."

"Sorry to take it away."

"Don't be dumb," a second said. "I'm Jason, and the whole guest bed thing was a joke. We're not allowed to have overnight guests."

"Oh."

"Charles," the third said.

"Charles," Brian mimicked in a poor attempt at an English accent. "That's Chuck. Don't let him tell you otherwise."

Blaine looked at Chuck to make sure that was okay, but he was grinning, so Blaine just nodded. "Don't just stand there, new kid. Put your stuff down. Make yourself at home."

"Right." Blaine quickly moved to the only barren corner of the room and dumped his duffle and backpack on it. He sat. "So what does everyone do for fun around here?"

"Well," Chuck said. "We've all got class in an hour, but after dinner we're allowed free play in the gymnasium. Do you play basketball?"

"Of course I play basketball," Blaine laughed. "What kind of question is that?"

"Then we'll see you there. About time we got a fourth. Haven't been able to play any of the dorm battles without one." Jason was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.

"Dorm battles?"

"Yeah. It's like a championship. Each room within a dorm plays the others until there's one undefeated. Then, at the end of the year, the teams play each other to determine which dorm gets the Golden Globe."

"The Golden Globe?" Blaine repeated dubiously.

"It's a spray-painted basketball," Chuck explained nonchalantly. He clearly wasn't as enthusiastic as Jason.

Jason was on his feet. "Do not disgrace the glory of the Globe!" He grabbed Chuck by the neck and threw him to the floor and punched him in the face. "Sacrilege!"

"Holy shit!" Blaine swore, alarmed and then suddenly confused by Jason and Chuck's laughter.

"That is stage combat," Brian rolled his eyes. "Once you've seen them run into enough doors or fall down enough stairs, it won't faze you."

"Oh." Blaine's eyes were still wide.

"We can show you if you want," Chuck volunteered.

Blaine smiled. "Is there a theatre program at Dalton?"

"Not really. Do a few Shakespeare scenes every winter, but other than that…"

"As if you two ever plan on doing anything besides Tybalt's death scene."

"Oh, come on!"

"Yeah, how often do you get to play with swords in school?" added Jason.

"Do you like theatre?" Chuck asked.

Blaine shrugged. "Kind of. I like singing. I was hoping there might be a musical or something."

"Well, then you want to audition for the Warblers."

"What's the Warblers?"

That was how Blaine found himself sitting outside a classroom with three other freshmen. His name was called and he walked in. "Hi, Blaine."

"Hello, Warblers."

"What are you going to sing for us?"

"I, um."

They waited patiently for him to say something. "Is it alright if I sing a girl song?" he asked. "My voice is kind of… high."

"That is perfectly alright," the Warbler in the center of the table said. "Go for it. We lost our last soprano, so if you can hit those notes, you're definitely in."

So Blaine sang the first thing that came to mind. He made it through the verse, and felt himself tearing up. "Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Even children get older, and I'm getting older, too. So, take my love, take it down. Climb a mountain, and turn around. And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills," Blaine sang, hitting a high note and executing a run to take him up another octave, "Well, the landslide'll bring it down."

There was utter silence. He sniffed in a breath and grinned self-consciously. "Thank you, Blaine. Can you call in Justin?"

"Yeah," he said, trying not to despair over their lack of enthusiasm. He sent the last boy in, a million thoughts running through his brain. He shouldn't have sung. He shouldn't have hit any high notes. They could tell he was hiding a female body under his clothes. They'd go to the headmaster and get him expelled and he'd have to go back to Jamie and all the other kids who made his life a living hell.

Blaine was hunched over on himself, struggling to breathe normally by the time Justin left the room and sat next to the three of them. "They're talking it over. Should be out in a few minutes," Justin informed them all. He seemed confident. Well, that was great for Justin. Justin's body produced its own testosterone and didn't have boobs. What did he have to worry about? "You alright?"

It took a moment for Blaine to realize Justin was talking to him. "Yeah, great."

"Only, you look like you're about to vomit."

"Must've been something I ate."

"Are you new?"

"Yeah," Blaine nodded. "Is it that obvious?"

"Dalton's a small school," Justin explained. "Even if you don't know everybody, you don't see new faces that often. And I'd remember someone as cute as you."

Blaine's eyes widened and he was about to try to ask what Justin meant by that, but the doors to the classroom opened and a senior stood in the doorway. "Alright, boys," he announced. "We had two slots to fill, so I'm afraid we could only take two of you. It was a rough decision because you're all really good singers. But in the end… We voted to take-" he paused for dramatic effect, the jerk- "Justin and Blaine." Blaine's face lit up. "Practice is Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at three. See you both tomorrow."

Blaine sat with his roommates at dinner, and they talked basketball after celebratory jell-o in honor of his induction to the Warblers.

"I'd say you're getting an A plus in Assimilation 101," Brian remarked.

They won against two of the four teams in their dorm that night and returned to shower feeling victorious. "New guy showers last," he said nervously, knowing there were only two shower stalls in the dorm. He knew there were curtains and no one was going to bother him, but he couldn't stop the unreasonable waking nightmare from playing through his brain over and over that there was some kind of new-kid hazing where they'd snatch him from the shower to take him somewhere but stop when they realized-

"You're up, new kid," Jason said, walking in wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Blaine tried not to look alarmed at the amount of skin. He was a guy, they were guys, it wasn't like they didn't know what the other guys looked like naked. Well… Anyway, clearly there was no cause to freak out as Chuck and Brian barely looked up.

Blaine showered quickly, just in case.

At rehearsal, they learned backup to "Baby" by Justin Bieber. Apparently it was for the irony. Just before they dismissed everyone, two of the older Warblers brought something forward. "New Warblers, Justin and Blaine," the one said. Blaine thought his name was Wes. The other pulled the cover from it to reveal that it was a bird cage. Immediately, the little thing began to chirp. "This is Bocelli. You have joint custody of this little Warbler. Care for him well."

Blaine and Justin looked to each other. This was an unexpected development. For him, at least. If Justin was thrown by it, he hid his surprise well. After they were let out with their new feathered ward, they set him on the bench outside where they'd waited for auditions. "So would you like him first or shall I take him?" Blaine asked.

"You can have him first," Justin said. "I'll help you set him up. Which dorm is yours?"

"I'm in 231," Blaine said and Justin grabbed the cage.

"Onward!" his friend commanded imperiously and they set forth toward Blaine's room.

When they got there, Blaine cleared off his night stand and moved it to the side of his bed by the wall, just to make sure no one accidentally ran into the cage during the night. Justin set Bocelli down in the place of honor. "Perfect."

"So, do we want to switch him off every week or do we want to work out some kind of weekends and holidays thing?" Blaine joked.

"I think we can do a weekly thing," Justin said and Blaine noticed he was studying him. Justin's eyes shot back to Blaine's as soon as he realized Blaine was looking. Oh, god. Justin knew. He could see the way the coat was tight around his hips but loose at the waist. It didn't matter that it held its form. He could tell that Blaine had girly curves, however slight they may have been. Sometimes, Blaine wondered if anyone noticed but him. But right now, it was obvious that Justin did. "You are gay, right?"

"What?" Blaine's eyes practically popped out of his head. "I mean… What?"

"I mean, I'm normally pretty good at… But, if I'm wrong, I'll just-"

"Does it matter?" Blaine asked, suddenly nervous that he'd found the thing for which everyone at Dalton would torment him.

"Well, I was probably going to hit on you or something if you were, but if not… I'd rather not embarrass myself any worse than I already have…"

"Oh," Blaine said, thrown for a loop. "You want to- Me? Why?"

"Uh…" Justin laughed nervously. "I should go…"

"No!" Blaine said a little too loudly. "I mean, I am gay, but… Why would you want to hit on me?"

Justin squinted at him. "Because you're adorable and charming and… If you're not interested, I'd really appreciate you sparing me the embarrassment. Seriously."

"No, I-" Blaine noticed Justin for the first time. He was definitely Blaine's type. Did Blaine have a type? What did it mean to have a type? Justin was nice. He was cute. He liked things Blaine liked. He could definitely at least date Justin. Could he date Justin? Would Justin want to date him if he knew Blaine was transgender? Was it okay to date him without telling him? It's not like Justin would find out because they were fourteen and he'd had a terrible fear of pregnancy ever since Cooper had said it and so therefore was in no hurry to have any form of naked time with anyone. He'd had nightmares where he woke up with a round belly and suddenly everyone was calling him by his birth name and he could just _feel_ the parts of him that made him different.

"You okay?"

"Fine, yeah," Blaine replied quickly. Did he reply too quickly? Justin probably thought he was twitchy now or something. "We could- We could definitely go for coffee or something, maybe."

"Great," Justin beamed. "There's a place called the Lima Bean where a lot of Dalton guys go. How about there?"

"Sure," Blaine agreed. He was going on a date?

"Friday?"

"Sure." He was going on a date with a guy?

"How about we go in the morning? Seven maybe? That should give us enough time to eat breakfast and then get back in time for class."

"Sure." He was going on a date with a guy. A really nice guy. And no one was going to beat him up for it this time. "Is this a gay friendly kind of coffee place?"

"This is Ohio," Justin scoffed. "But no one will bother us. Unless we start making out in the middle of the café, no one will even really know we're not just two students having breakfast before class. Seriously. Dalton guys go all the time. They're used to it."

"Okay," Blaine nodded. His face had turned red at the suggestion of them making out, but other than that, he was perfectly at ease after the assurance. "Friday morning then."

"Excellent," Justin smiled. "See you then."

"See you then," Blaine mumbled as his new…friend?... slipped out of his room and headed for his own.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Molting

Blaine ran, but everywhere he went there was someone waiting for him. Some had baseball bats, some had knives, some had fists, and one even had pre-natal vitamins. Finally, he reached a door at the end of the hall. He slammed it shut, breathing in relief at the sound of the lock clicking into place. He leaned against it, desperate for a chance to rest, to catch his breath.

"I told you not to return to this house, young lady."

"Dad?"

"Get out of my house, you abomination. You disgusting little-"

Blaine's eyes shot open. He was getting tired of the nightmares. He was exhausted and not remotely ready for his date with Justin. He rolled onto his side and suddenly realized his pants were wet.

At first he thought he'd wet the bed during his dream, but then he realized it was far worse. Immediately, he grabbed some clean pants and tore his sheets from the bed as quietly as possible. He couldn't wake his roommates. He all but ran to the bathroom, shoving the soiled pants into a plastic bag.

Blaine turned on the shower, disrobing to bathe and trying to wash the red from his sheets. It wasn't until the third application of soap that the sheet was white again and he realized he was crying softly. This wasn't supposed to happen. The testosterone should have stopped this happening.

He took a few deep breaths as he grabbed his pajama bottoms and started to wash them. Maybe it just needed an extra month to stop his… penguin.

He was still awake early enough that even when he finished his extra long shower, his roommates were still slumbering. He threw the dirty sheets into the laundry and grabbed fresh from the wardrobe. Using his duffle bag and a textbook (waterproofed in another plastic bag), Blaine created a drying rack under his bed for the wet pajama bottoms.

He was just tying on his shoes when Chuck began to stir. "Where are you off to so early?" Chuck mumbled.

"Breakfast off campus," Blaine replied and slung his bag over his shoulder. "See you for basketball later."

Blaine rushed out before Chuck could ask any more questions. Sure, they couldn't bully him, but what if it made them uncomfortable to room with a gay guy? The mere thought of making others uncomfortable made him uncomfortable.

"Hey, Blaine?"

Blaine turned back to see Chuck standing in the doorway. "Yeah?"

_Please, please don't let him ask if it's a date or who I'm going with…_

"Is something wrong with your bird? I was looking at it last night, and…"

Blaine was already rushing back into the room.

He was late to breakfast. "I'm sorry I'm late," he rushed. "Something's wrong with Bocelli. He's not singing, and his feathers are all falling out. I think he's dying."

"Oh, my god." Justin was on his feet. He handed Blaine a coffee and a muffin. "Are you okay with eating on the bus back?"

Blaine nodded. When they got back to campus, the other boys were awake and Chuck had already gone. Bocelli wasn't moving. They whistled at him, but he only managed a weak tweet in return. "What do we do?" Justin asked.

"I don't know. I've never had a bird before."

"This is horrible," Justin lamented. "We've had this bird for four days, and we've already killed him."

"He doesn't look so good," Jason added helpfully.

"Thanks."

"Any time." Jason nodded and ducked out of the room, leaving them to their terrible fate.

"What do you think they'll do to us if he dies?" Justin wondered aloud.

All kinds of nightmare scenarios went through Blaine's head. They all involved being made to do humiliating things that required shirtlessness or pants removal. "I don't know. I've done everything right, I swear. I feed him every day and change his water before bed and I just changed his newspaper yesterday-"

"Calm down," Justin stopped him. "We'll show him to the senior Warblers. They'll know what's wrong with him."

"Okay." Blaine tried to breathe. "How is it already almost time for class?"

Justin glanced at his watch. "I'll meet you after. I know where Wes and David's room is. We'll bring him there."

Blaine nodded. He had to focus. This was his last day of study hall. Each day they'd sent him to study hall with a different subject to catch up on. That way he could go to regular classes with the other boys next week without being completely lost. He had only missed about a month of class since Dalton started classes the last week of January.

Luckily he'd been in advanced math the previous year, so the fact that he couldn't focus didn't mess him up too badly. Justin was waiting outside the room, and Blaine let him in. They grabbed Bocelli and climbed the stairs to the upperclassmen dormitories.

David answered the door. "Hi, guys. What's up?"

"Bocelli's really sick," Blaine said.

"We think he's dying," Justin added.

"Hey, Wes," David called, and Wes came to the door. "These two are quite certain their bird is dying."

"Dying?" Wes repeated. "That would definitely be bad."

Suddenly, they both started laughing hysterically.

"This isn't funny," Justin reminded them.

"He's just molting," David laughed, wiping tears away. "Give him a few days. He'll be fine."

"I can't believe you thought he was dying," Wes agreed.

Blaine felt his face catch fire. Great. They'd made fools of themselves and now the senior Warblers thought they were idiots.

He couldn't even look at Bocelli when he changed the bird's water that night.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: Puberty

Blaine made a second visit to Ray a little after a month. He was experiencing a massively bad pimple and was thrilled to notice that his voice had gotten just a little deeper. By May, he was having a bit of trouble during Warbler's practice.

"Blaine, you're flat," David said. Blaine grimaced. He knew he'd been flat- every time they ran the song. David knew it as well. That's why he called him out in front of everyone. And then he sang Blaine's part (down an octave) to him and made Blaine sing it back.

He tried. He really did. And his voice cracked, squeaking horribly. He winced, feeling his face darken immediately. "And here I was thinking you were a countertenor," David sighed. "Ah, well. There goes another soprano."

The rest of rehearsal went horribly. Blaine kept feeling worse and worse because he couldn't hit the notes he needed to hit and whenever he tried, he just made the group sound worse. Throw that on top of the sudden overwhelming urge to shag the brains out of half the guys in the room (he couldn't even look at Justin), and he was ready to lock himself in a tiny room, hide under a huge and immovable rock in that tiny locked room, and never emerge.

"Hey, Blaine, hold on a sec." Blaine turned to face David as the rest of the group filed out. The older student gestured for Blaine to have a seat on one of the couches. David took the seat opposite.

"You know we're not really upset with you that you can't hit the notes anymore, right?"

"But-"

"Hey, you can't help it that your voice is changing," David reminded him and Blaine felt immediately guilty. "It's totally normal. And I'm sorry for calling you out like that. But every guy here has gone through that awkward squeaky phase, so don't worry about it. Really."

"I'm not worried," Blaine replied defensively.

"Okay." David held his hands up in surrender. "It looked a little like you were. Just thought it would be good to remind you that even if a couple guys laughed when your voice broke… It's happened to everyone in this room and it's not a big deal. Hey, maybe you'll even come back at the end of the summer sounding like Andrea Bocelli."

Blaine grinned. "I'll do my best."

"You come back sounding like Bocelli and I will personally guarantee you all of the solos, Blaine."

"You don't even have the power to do that."

"Elections are next week," David said as he stood. "Vote for me!"

Blaine laughed. "I can't think of anyone better suited."

"Well, thank you. See you tomorrow."

Blaine waved and headed out. "What did he want?" Justin asked.

Blaine felt his face heat up a little. "Just gave me some singing pointers."

Justin nodded. "Yeah, I had a rough time last semester when mine was changing. Let's just say I didn't get in when I tried out for the Warblers."

"Want to change Bocelli's newspaper?" Blaine joked.

"Sure."

Blaine's eyebrows shot up. "That wasn't serious… I was just…"

"Come on."

Justin grabbed Blaine's hand and started back toward his room. "I think Bocelli misses you."

"Yeah?" Blaine asked. "How do you know?"

"I think he finds me boring."

"You? Boring? Never."

Justin grinned and Blaine didn't realize he'd been staring until Justin called his name. "Yeah, I'm good. Paying attention. Definitely."

Justin only laughed and shook his head. "So. I joined the AV club yesterday…"

"Cool," Blaine said. "Warblers not keeping you busy enough?"

"That and I thought it would be great to have a key to a room where we could have a movie night?"

"Oh, my god!" Blaine exclaimed. "You are- That is genius!"

"I was thinking 'When Harry Met Sally.'"

"Perfect."

They had reached Justin's room by that point and Blaine headed straight to Bocelli's cage and whistled happy birthday to him. Bocelli just sang back a single long note. "I swear I'm going to teach him that song," Blaine sighed.

"You can definitely try."

"Oh, come on," Blaine said and turned around to find that he and Justin were suddenly standing very, very close. "Sorry."

Neither of them made any move to step back or increase the space between them. Without thinking, Blaine closed the distance and they kissed. It was brief enough, but Blaine had to pull away because he was suddenly extremely turned on and he could feel parts of him he knew he shouldn't have.

"You alright?"

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, unable to muster a smile. "I- I forgot that I have to- finish my history paper. Can I- Can we reschedule movie night?"

"Yeah. Of course. Are you sure you're alright?"

Blaine nodded and ran out. He barely managed to take off his ACE bandage his hands were shaking so badly by the time he forced himself under an ice cold shower. No more kissing. He would bury himself in schoolwork and there would be no more kissing.

Yes. That would work.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: Boys of Summer

Soon it became apparent that he couldn't just avoid Justin. Every time he told the other boy that he had homework or needed to study, he could see the doubt gaining a firmer hold. He thought Blaine didn't like him, or that he didn't like him that way when Blaine really, really, really, really liked him. That way.

Maybe it was fine. Maybe it was just the surprise of his reaction to the kiss that threw him off so badly. Maybe, if he were prepared for it this time, it would be fine. He could handle it. So when Justin was determinedly avoiding Blaine after Warblers practice, he caught up with the other boy.

"So, I have been studying non stop and I was just thinking that I hadn't even talked to you in days."

"Don't you have a paper to write?" Justin asked darkly.

Blaine sighed. "I deserve that," he acknowledged. "I just get really tense around finals. I have to keep a 4.0, and… But I won't fail everything if we go for coffee or something."

"We could still have that movie night," he suggested hesitantly.

Blaine beamed. "That would be amazing."

Justin had apparently just gotten the DVD of Nine, so they spent most of the movie actually watching the movie, to Blaine's relief. There was one point, however, when Justin slipped his hand into Blaine's. Blaine felt his stomach jolt and a smile somehow managed to steal its way into the edges of his mouth. It was all he could do not to giggle like a little kid. He almost forgot that he should probably curl his fingers to hold Justin's hand back. Warm fuzzies would not leave Blaine's chest alone for the entire movie. By the end, they had somehow ended up with their shoulders touching, and Justin's head was on Blaine's shoulder. He was freaking out a little bit, but in the best possible way.

"That was a really good movie," Blaine said as the credits rolled.

"One of my favorites," Justin agreed.

"I can see why."

Blaine wasn't sure if the silence was uncomfortable or not.

Justin pulled away with a sigh and Blaine felt the loss as the warmth seeped out of his shoulder. "So, did you run off the other day because I'm a bad kisser or something?"

"No!" Blaine replied quickly. "No, I just… You're a really good kisser. It was… good." He shut his eyes, feeling like the most awkward human being in the history of awkward human beings.

Blaine's eyes startled open when he felt Justin's lips on his. He braced himself, knowing what might happen and closed his eyes. It wasn't a full-on make out session, and Blaine wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. When they parted, he was pretty sure his face was flushed and they were both smiling. "That was nice," Blaine murmured distractedly. He was not lying.

Justin smiled. "Yeah," he agreed. "We can't stay too much longer, though. I told Dan we were watching a movie and so he's expecting us out after it's over."

The credits were just reaching the end. "Are you going to the Warblers' beach party this weekend?"

"What beach party?"

"The one they told us about in practice today?" Justin laughed. "Were you even paying attention?"

"I was thinking about you," Blaine grinned sheepishly. "Specifically how to ask you on a date when I was pretty sure you hated me."

"Well, I don't hate you and there is a beach party this weekend."

"Where?"

"Road trip," Justin explained. "We're going to leave early Saturday morning- the seniors are driving, it's an annual end-of-term thing- and we're going to spend the afternoon at the beach."

"Then I am definitely going. Afternoon outside? On a beach? How often does that happen in small town Ohio?"

"At least once a year for the Warblers, apparently."

Blaine laughed and they gathered their things, needing to leave before anyone thought they were doing anything inappropriate. When he got back to the dorm, his roommates were waiting up for him.

"So were you on a date with Justin Frasier?" Jason asked immediately.

Blaine froze. This was going to ruin everything. They wouldn't want to room with him because he was gay. They'd hate him or beat him up or tell everyone and-

"Dude, relax," Jason said. "It's just a question."

"What if I was?"

"Forget I asked," Jason held up his hands. "For the record, no one cares if you're gay. I was just going to ask how it went."

"Oh." The word breathed out of him and he felt like crying in relief. Luckily, he didn't cry as easily as he used to and his eyes remained dry. "Then… It was fun. We watched a movie."

"How much of it did you watch?" Brian teased.

"All of it?" He must have seemed extra clueless or confused because the guys all took a moment to stare at him before cracking up. He shook his head good naturedly. "Thanks, guys."

The road trip was fun. Justin and Blaine were in Wes' car and may have been surreptitiously holding hands for a good portion of the ride. The underclassmen didn't divide completely evenly between cars, so they had the whole backseat to themselves.

It wasn't until they got to the beach that Blaine remembered something very important.

"Care for a swim?" Justin asked.

Blaine hoped his face didn't give too much away. "I forgot a swim suit."

"Just go in with your shorts. They'll dry."

The thought of having to take his shirt off nearly gave Blaine a heart attack. "I think I'll pass. There's all kinds of sand and fish and… fish poo… You go ahead."

Justin was laughing at him now, but at least he was off the hook for swimming. Soon the other boys started a game of volleyball and Blaine was all too happy to join that endeavor. Thankfully, he wasn't the only boy to keep his shirt on for the game. Not so thankfully, a couple of the upperclassmen had some serious bodies to show off and Justin was coming back up the beach without a shirt.

Blaine did not sign up for this. He was not this boy crazy before he'd started hormones. He was definitely, definitely a lot more reasonable and- He was drawn sharply from his thoughts when the volleyball came hurtling toward his face. Quickly, he threw his hands up and hit it back over the net.

The game stopped abruptly when he cried out in pain.

"You alright?" and various similar-sounding questions came his way. He clenched his jaw, trying not to scream. His ribs felt broken or bruised, at least.

"Landed badly on my ankle," Blaine finally gritted out. "I'll walk it off."

It didn't take too much effort to fake a limp as he hunched to the side, trying not to move too much. It hurt to breathe. He was panicking. He couldn't go to a doctor. They'd want to know why he was wearing the ACE bandage. He'd had to have one of the Warblers take him and the doctors would all call him a girl and everyone would find out. He probably couldn't even afford it anyway unless he wanted to stop hormones and he definitely didn't want that. He took a seat, hunched over, trying to be quiet.

Gradually, the pain lessened to a dull ache. Unless he took a deep breath. Then it was a sharp ache. He was used to pain from the bandage, but that was just raw skin from the chafing or a bit of soreness when it slipped down and put extra pressure on his lower rib. This was different. This could be bad.

Justin joined him once it became apparent that Blaine was just sitting alone on the beach and they talked about summer plans. If it struck Justin as odd that Blaine was spending the summer with his brother, he didn't show it. Probably he'd just assumed that Blaine normally lived with his parents and getting to visit his brother was a rare treat. Justin and his parents were going to Quebec for two weeks. Other than that, he was staying in Ohio. Blaine expressed regret that they wouldn't get to see each other again until next semester.

They snuck their hands together again on the ride back, and Blaine was afraid he might have squeezed too hard at one point when they went over a bump and a horrible pain shot through his ribs. Justin gave him a questioning look, and Blaine shot him an apologetic shrug.

The next day, parents came to pick their boys up. As Blaine was walking out to the drop off point, he was pulled aside. "Since I'm not going to see you for the whole summer…"

Blaine smiled, and didn't let Justin finish the sentence. They kissed. It was a little bit heavier than what they'd already done before, but nothing obscene. Still, when Justin finally pulled away, they were both a little breathless. "See you in September?"

Blaine nodded. "I'll count the days."

"How romantic," Justin grinned. He slipped a paper into Blaine's pocket. "My address. If, you know, you feel compelled to write."

Blaine grinned like a maniac. "Of course I will!"

"Good."

They both walked to the drop off point together, and Cooper was waiting for him with their parents' car. Apparently he'd been staying with them for the weekend. "How are you going to get the car back without them seeing me?" Blaine asked.

"Well, I thought about locking you in the trunk while dad dropped me off, but I think there's a law against that…"

"Okay, so…?"

"I made sure to book a flight when he and mom couldn't take me, so we're going to get a cab to the airport." Cooper turned in the slightly unfamiliar direction of their parents' house. "So, if there's anything you want from the house that you didn't have time to get before… Or, I mean, if you want to pee in their bed or something."

Blaine couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. "I think I'll skip that part." They hit a bump and he was painfully reminded of the incident yesterday. "Could I borrow your credit card? I need to buy something on the internet, and I can afford it I just… don't have a credit card."

"What could you possibly need to buy on the internet?"

So Blaine launched into the unfortunate story of his ribs and their new mortal enemy: beach volleyball. "I did some research when I got back, and apparently everyone but me knew that you shouldn't… bind… with an ACE bandage. So, there are these undershirt things called binders, and they're supposed to be a lot better for you… I guess."

"Blaine, you should go to a doctor."

"It's fine, Cooper. I just need to change what I'm doing. I can pay you back for all of it."

"Where are you getting all this money, Blaine?" Cooper asked. "I've done some research and all the hormones and doctor's visits are kind of pricey."

Blaine knew Cooper couldn't have done too much research or he'd have found out Blaine couldn't possibly have gotten testosterone from a doctor without parental consent. And possibly several years of therapy. Maybe not even before he was eighteen. "I still had a copy of the work permit mom and dad signed," Blaine shrugged. "I got a job at the mall. In the food court."

"Okay," Cooper replied hesitantly. "You don't have to pay me back though, kiddo. I'm perfectly happy to blow a few bucks to keep my brother's ribs in one piece."

"Thanks, Cooper."

Blaine smiled. Things were really looking up.

Related and in retrospect:  
(I've been posting this story on tumblr for a while, and this chapter was ages ago. Hence the retrospect.) I can now report that, pre-op trans guy that I am, I have actually injured my ribs binding. (There was back pain so intense that it woke me up and I had to call out of work.) This is a real danger, even through the "safe" methods of binding which I employ. Don't bind your chest if you don't absolutely have to. Don't bind it too tight. Don't bind it too long. It's really and truly dangerous and WILL cause health problems.

I just really want the day to come when health insurance companies stop labeling these surgeries as "cosmetic" or when being trans* isn't catalogued as a mental illness. Homosexuality was removed from the DSM in the 80s. When will trans* be?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten: Big Brother

"Don't cross your legs when you sit," Cooper leaned over to tell Blaine. Blaine glanced sideways at his brother. "That's just not how guys sit."

"It's how I sit."

"I'm just trying to help you out."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Thanks."

"Sure thing," Cooper beamed. For a second, Blaine thought he was going to shut up, but Cooper had more wisdom to impart. "Try using your chest resonator when you speak. You're a little too nasally."

"I did pass twenty-four hours a day at Dalton, Cooper. Even before my voice dropped."

"Well, that was an all-boy school, Blaine. No one had reason to question it. In the real world, you've got to pull out those acting chops. Besides, you have to keep your instrument in tune, right?"

"Right," Blaine grumbled.

They were in the hospital waiting room because Cooper had finally convinced Blaine to see a doctor about his ribs. They had gotten better, but the pain hadn't gone away and sneezing or coughing still produced an agony the likes of which could only be topped by the original injury he'd sustained.

The summer had started off alright, but as soon as Cooper had gotten cast in some independent film that had posted its audition notice on Craig's List, his ego had shot into the stratosphere. Most of the time it was alright, but it seemed like Cooper had decided today was teach-Blaine-to-do-things day. He made a mental note not to preface anything with "You're right," when he spoke to Cooper again. Even if it involved his health.

The doctor asked who had prescribed him testosterone. For a second, Blaine panicked. Then he lied and said the practice had closed. "It's likely he was practicing without a valid license," Blaine heard the doctor tell his brother while they discussed Blaine's x-rays as though he wasn't there.

He was given a prescription for pain meds and orders not to bind for at least a month.

So Blaine didn't leave the house for a month, no matter what Cooper suggested they do. Luckily, Cooper knew a losing battle when he saw one and would bring movies from the library. When Cooper wasn't working or auditioning, they'd spend the day watching movies together and sometimes Cooper would go on a diatribe about how a certain choice an actor made was either brilliant or moronic, and Blaine wasn't sure how much more Nicholas Cage he could take, but it was really nice to hang out with his brother. He was glad Cooper spent time with him.

One night, Cooper even blew off a party with some big Hollywood director to hang out with him. Blaine had been a little angry about that, actually. He didn't want to be the reason Cooper missed his big break.

So, as soon as the month was up, Blaine left the apartment and got himself a job. It seemed a little sketchy- a guy named Carl with more beard than face owned the business- but he didn't need a work permit and was pretty sure he was getting paid under the table, but it wasn't like he'd never done anything illegal before. Carl would send Blaine an address, and Blaine would hop a bus and get paid a nice sum of money for cleaning someone's pool.

Halfway through July, Cooper told Blaine to cancel his pool cleaning gigs. "I've got a surprise for you," he said.

So they hopped on a bus and got off somewhere near where Blaine thought he'd cleaned a pool the week before. "Where are we going?" Blaine finally asked.

"Right here!" Cooper exclaimed, gesturing to an unassuming martial arts studio. "I won a free lesson from John Smith- he's one of Hollywood's foremost fight choreographers and stunt coordinators- and they said I could bring my little brother!"

"Cool," Blaine said, not feeling as enthusiastic as Cooper probably thought he should be. He also wasn't entirely sure that this guy was as prolific as Cooper seemed to think he was, but an afternoon spent karate chopping things with his brother didn't sound too bad.

The instructor showed them several moves and choreographed a brief fight between the two brothers- which Cooper insisted Blaine should win. Halfway through their first run of the whole fight, the instructor had them stop. He gestured to Blaine. "Are you a boxer?" he asked suddenly.

"No," Blaine replied, confused.

"You hold yourself like a boxer. You ever think of taking up boxing?"

Blaine shook his head.

"Take up boxing," John Smith said nonchalantly. "You'll be good at it. Also, it's good self-defense and, pardon my saying so, you are a bit small. Very likely target for a mugging."

"Oh," Blaine said. "Are there a lot of muggings in LA?"

"Take up boxing," the instructor said again. "Now. Start over. This time, hold your hands like this-"

By the time the free lesson was finally over, they were both sweating but happy. Cooper led him a few blocks north to an ice cream shop and bought them both root beer floats. "That was awesome," Blaine grinned as he used his straw to spoon some of the foam from the top of his mug into his mouth.

"It was," Cooper agreed. He let out a lungful of air. "Honestly, I feel so happy I could die. Are you going to take up boxing? I bet Dalton has a class for it."

"Maybe I will," Blaine nodded. He hadn't been that interested earlier, but now it seemed like a great idea. He'd really enjoyed the choreography they'd learned, and John Smith had had Blaine take a few swings at a punching bag, and it had felt really good. Definitely a great stress reliever. He bet that a bit of boxing followed by a shower would put him right to sleep at night.

By the end of the summer, Blaine had a lot of money saved up. He'd cleaned at least twenty pools a week, sometimes thirty, and got paid at least thirty dollars per pool, so his bank account was in the quadruple digits. In fact, he was quite certain he had enough saved up for the surgery he wanted. It would have to wait until winter break, but he could definitely afford to get it then. Especially if he kept working at the mall while he was in school.

Overall, the summer had been a success.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven: Back to School

By the time Blaine got back to Ohio, he was a new man. He'd spent so much time trying to inflect his voice "like a man" to please Cooper that it felt a little odd to drop the new speech pattern. Cooper had seemed a little off at the airport, but Blaine just decided to put that down to the fact that they'd spent the summer together and now Cooper was dropping him back in Ohio with technically no real place to live. Blaine didn't mind. He'd already proven to himself that he was more than capable of taking care of himself without parental consent.

The first day back, he ran into David in the hall. The Warblers would probably have practice that day unless they were holding off for students to settle in for the semester. He was definitely going to vote for David and Wes when they held Warblers elections today. "How's the voice?" David inquired.

Blaine grinned and sang a few runs. David's jaw fell open. "Well, that is something to be jealous of. If only puberty were so kind to everyone." Blaine smiled self-consciously. David lit up, "You should audition for a solo, Blaine. Once we've held elections, we'll probably do that if there's time today."

"So we do have practice?"

"More housekeeping than practice," David explained. "We have to elect officers and find soloists before we can choose songs."

"That makes sense."

"Listen, Blaine, I've got to run, but I'll see you later. Definitely audition, okay?"

Blaine nodded and waved as David rushed off. Okay. He could audition for a solo. He had no idea what he was going to sing, but he'd sing the heck out of it.

Soon he reached his original destination: the math class he and Justin now took together. "Missed you," Justin smiled shyly at him.

"Missed you more," Blaine said totally seriously, and then laughed. "Now you hang up first."

They'd exchanged several letters over the summer, and grown a lot closer. Especially once they'd decided the US postal service was too slow and resorted to texting several times a day. Blaine had gotten a job at a coffee shop in LA and bought himself a cheap phone that Cooper was perfectly happy to add to his own plan. He'd told Blaine not to worry about it, that it didn't cost him that much more. Blaine started to wonder when Cooper had turned into such a good… dad.

"Still up for a study night?" Justin asked.

"I have been looking forward to it all summer," Blaine grinned.

"Then I guess we'd better get to class so we know what to… study."

Somehow even math class was fun when he was sitting next to Justin. They kept looking at each other and then looking away quickly when the other noticed. Blaine just wanted the day to hurry up and end so he could hang out with… his boyfriend? Were they boyfriends? They hadn't actually talked about it.

Warbler practice was the only part of the day he didn't automatically hate for standing between him and his study date. Wes and David won the election by a landslide along with some upperclassmen he didn't know too well, and there was plenty of time left for solo auditions.

He settled for a song he'd heard during countless hours he'd spent on YouTube, watching transition videos. His favorite channel had, of course, been a singer-songwriter who was a year older than Blaine. There was one song, "Going West" that was Blaine's favorite, but he couldn't sing a song for anyone about getting a "T shot" or having scars on his chest. So, he picked his second favorite.

He got up, introduced himself and his song, and started to sing. "Try to stop myself from falling to the ground. Looking around the world for answers that can't be found. I looked up. Well, I got down real low. Tell me how far, how far can you really go? And I wonder how you're sleeping through the night…"

As he got further into the song, he realized it probably wasn't the best song to show off his dancing or his range, but he nailed the emotion of it. The upperclassmen looked thrilled, everyone clapped, Justin gave him a look that made Blaine suddenly wish it was study time.

He waited nervously in the hallway with two older members while everyone inside the room discussed their fate. Finally, Wes opened the door. "Alright," Wes announced. "George and Francis? Congratulations, you're moving on."

Blaine tried to hide his disappointment. Wes noticed anyway and took him aside after practice. "You were fantastic, Blaine. You really were."

"Then why didn't-"

"Because the Warblers is a team, Blaine. Just like any other group, we have to do what's best for everyone overall. We need a strong tenor to lead the section, and that's you. Being in the Warblers isn't about showing off or beating out everyone else in the group. It's about all of us working together to make the sweet, sweet music for which we are so well known."

Blaine nodded. "Then thank you."

Wes beamed proudly. "But don't let that stop you from auditioning next semester, okay?"

"Most definitely," Blaine agreed. "But I won't be too upset if I don't get it."

Wes nodded. "I'll let you go. I think someone's waiting for you…"

Blaine turned around and Justin was definitely sitting on a bench just down the hall, trying not to look like he was listening. Blaine made his way to the bench and sat. "Been waiting here long?"

"Far too long. Shall we?"

"Oh, we shall."

Blaine led the way to his new single room. He missed Brian, Jason, and Chuck, but he didn't miss the sweatshirt he'd had to wear to bed to hide his chest. (He'd learned all too quickly that he couldn't bind while he slept. He'd only wake up with his ribs feeling sore like they'd been bent around all night and then mysteriously reshaped by morning.) He dropped his bag on the bed and pulled out his math book.

Suddenly, Justin's arms snaked around his waist and his body pressed into Blaine's back. Blaine stiffened a bit. He turned in Justin's arms. "I thought we were going to study."

"We can if you want," Justin said and Blaine forgot to argue as their lips touched. It spiraled out of control all too quickly. Blaine barely had time to register that they weren't studying before Justin's hand had climbed up his spine to the edge of his binder. "What's this?"

Blaine pulled away like he'd been burned. "Nothing," he replied, pulse racing.

"Are you wearing a bra?"

"No," Blaine replied, his throat tightening. "It's an undershirt."

"Why is it so short and so tight?"

"I…" Well, it wasn't like he could have had a serious relationship without telling. He might as well get it over with. "It's a binder."

"What?" Justin only looked more confused.

Blaine stared at the floor. "I'm transgender. It… binds my… breasts." The words made him feel like he was going to vomit.

"Wait," Justin said. "So you're… a girl?"

"No." Blaine looked up, feeling angry and defensive all of a sudden. "I'm a boy."

"But you have… breasts."

"That's what transgender means," Blaine mumbled furiously. This was humiliating. Why was it his responsibility to explain all of this while Justin stared at him like he was some kind of mutant freak? "My body is female. I am not."

"Okay." Justin still looked like he was about to turn tail and run. "Listen, Blaine… I-"

"I'm still the same guy."

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I- This is just too weird for me."

Blaine nodded. "It's okay," he lied.

"You're a really great- person, but I can't… I'm a little too gay for this."

"And I'm a boy," Blaine blurted out.

"Maybe on the inside," Justin threw back, "but… I can't, Blaine. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he lied again and Justin grabbed his bag and left with an awkward pause like he was going to say goodbye, but instead said nothing and left without another word.

Blaine closed his door, locked it, and cried for the first time in months.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: Crush  
Takes place during: Never Been Kissed

Blaine and Justin talked once after the Incident, very briefly. Justin apologized for being so abrupt, and assured Blaine he wouldn't tell anyone what he knew. It was little comfort for Blaine, who had suddenly realized he was doomed to be alone because he'd only ever fallen for gay guys and that even if a gay guy fell for him as well… He still had a female body. Maybe he'd meet a bisexual guy some day and it would work out, but what were the chances of that ever happening? Especially when Blaine just wanted Justin.

As the months passed, it began to hurt less. Blaine threw himself into singing and school work. He found himself boxing daily as a way to channel all of his stress. He was maintaining a 4.0 GPA, so he should hopefully manage to land a scholarship and could attend college without taking on a lifetime's worth of loan debt.

By the end of the semester, he felt like himself again. His voice had settled even more and he sounded more like an upperclassman than a sophomore. Maybe it was because he was injecting hormones rather than producing them naturally. Maybe that made his voice change faster. Maybe he should have been injecting a lower dose. He didn't know.

He'd stopped taking his hormones shortly after the Incident, however. It was then that he decided he needed to find out about top surgery at the very least. Since he'd gone on hormones so early, his chest hadn't grown too big and he was pretty sure he could get the "keyhole" surgery. It was more expensive, but there wouldn't be any scars once it was done. It was so much easier to save money when he wasn't blowing $100 every few weeks. Even working at the mall, he was still about $500 short by the time he got the confirmation that the doctor he'd chosen could perform the surgery he wanted. He phoned Cooper, told him that he'd be able to pay him back by March, and Cooper gave him what he could. Blaine went ahead and scheduled the surgery. On the weekends, he sold magazine subscriptions in the local neighborhoods to make up the difference, so the second day after winter break Cooper flew with him to Maryland and he met with Dr. Fisher and she gave him the chest he'd always known he was meant to have. He spent the rest of the break recuperating with Riley until he could move back into his dorm at Dalton.

Unfortunately, going off hormones meant his penguin came back around Christmas. That was a present he could have lived without. At least he had his own room at school now, so he didn't have to worry about any of his roommates accidentally stumbling on a box of tampons when spring semester finally arrived. The penguin really didn't bother him too much, possibly because he was still high on the idea that he could play on the skins team instead of the shirts in gym if he really wanted to.

Blaine started lifting weights on top of boxing. Suddenly he had a body that he was at least marginally proud of, so he wanted to make it even more built. He felt in control of his own life in a way he hadn't since he'd purchased his first ACE bandage. He felt comfortable with himself.

He auditioned for a solo with the Warblers again, and got it. They'd been rehearsing the number for a couple weeks, and were ready to debut it in front of their classmates before deciding on whether it would move on to any competitions.

He was beginning to feel a bit nervous, but in a really good way. He rushed down the stairs with everyone else, but was stopped. He turned and looked up at one of the most attractive guys he'd ever seen. When he heard him speak, he wondered for a second if this guy was like him. Blaine replied to his questions on autopilot, talking about the Warblers like they'd been talked about to him when he first arrived.

Ultimately, he decided that Kurt was probably not like him. He was too tall, his jaw was too square, and his voice had that bass-y resonance to it even if it was higher in pitch. Of course, that did nothing to quell the sudden rising desire to ask him out. Blaine gave him a second look. This guy was clearly not a Dalton student. "Come on," he said and grabbed Kurt's hand. "I know a shortcut." So no one will see you and kick you out before you can see us sing, Blaine finished silently.

He did his best to deliver the song to Kurt. If the Warblers impressed him enough, maybe he'd transfer to Dalton. Maybe that's what he was doing here. For a full three minutes, Blaine forgot why he could not possibly start a relationship with this boy.

They talked to him after, and Blaine felt his heart melt to learn why Kurt had come. He told him that he could face his bully, that he was mad he didn't face his own- and he was, to an extent. He did not tell Kurt why he ran. He did not reveal that he would run again if faced with the decision. He especially did not tell him why he'd been bullied.

He was glad when Wes and David showed up after Kurt left.

"That new kid is all over you," Wes teased.

Blaine laughed nervously. "Don't be ridiculous."

"No, he has fallen in love with the dulcet tones of one Blaine Anderson, and he has fallen hard."

"He's fallen for the Warblers and a zero tolerance bullying policy," Blaine said, and felt his spirits sink as he realized the truth of it.

"Yeah, okay," David said in a tone that clearly said he thought Blaine was crazy.

Blaine shook his head. "I'll see you guys at practice tomorrow, okay?"

He was early for work at the mall, but it was okay. He'd finally paid Cooper back, so he was saving up again. He had tried to find Ray to buy more hormones from him, but his old dealer had vanished. He'd have to find a new one, he guessed. That was going to take a lot of research and he wasn't sure he wanted to bother. Aside from his penguin, there was no reason to take it. His voice had dropped; he even shaved his face the other day. It was nothing major, but it was more than just the feathery fluff he'd had before.

So he'd put it off. No big deal.

Unfortunately, he suffered another setback that day. He'd left his wallet in his usual cubby at work (his trousers didn't have pockets today) and someone had stolen it. He sat down on the bench at the bus stop, trying to figure out how in the world he was going to get back to Dalton when someone sat down next to him.

"You alright?"

Blaine looked up. "Yeah, well no. My wallet was stolen, so I don't have bus fare."

"Want to borrow my phone to call your parents?"

"No," Blaine said, wildly searching for a lie. "They don't live around here. I go to boarding school."

"In Ohio?"

Blaine shrugged.

"You work over in the food court, don't you?"

Blaine nodded. "Making smoothies for all the health nuts Ohio has to offer."

The guy laughed. "Well, I work over at the Gap and I think I've had one of your smoothies before. It was excellent, and I feel like I should return the favor."

Blaine's eyebrows rose hopefully. "I can pay you back-"

"Actually, I haven't got any cash, but I can give you a ride. I'm assuming you go to Dalton, since it's the only high school around here I know of with dorms."

"Yeah. Dalton. Thank you so much," he said. "Really."

"I'm Jeremiah," he said and extended his hand.

"Blaine."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen: Courage  
Takes place during: Never Been Kissed

Blaine woke up in the morning having dreamt a lot of confusing things. He'd been at Sadie Hawkins, but Kurt had been his date, but Jeremiah showed up in his car and saved them. It took a few minutes for him to remember that everything was fine. He was at Dalton. There were no bullies here.

But Kurt still had bullies. Blaine wanted to do something. He had to. He wouldn't let Kurt be the next Tyler. That meant that he had to find a way to help his new friend get away from the bullies. Not everyone could afford Dalton. In fact, Blaine was starting to wonder how Cooper had managed to afford half of Blaine's tuition anyway.

The problem was he didn't know where to start.

So he started by looking up LGBT groups in the area, because wherever he started he knew he couldn't change the world by himself. To his great satisfaction, there was one that met at a community center about a block from the mall just before he had to work. So he showed up and, to his great horror, Jeremiah was there and the topic was trans* awareness.

Could he pass as just gay here? Would they know he'd been born the way he had? What if Jeremiah hated Blaine after he found out?

Except Jeremiah was one of the first to speak, and he was talking about his boyfriend. Or was it his ex-boyfriend? Blaine couldn't tell. He never said "ex-boyfriend," but he kept using the past tense.

He couldn't help it. His hopes were soaring. Here was someone in the world who had dated someone like him, and was gay, and didn't seem to mind that his boyfriend had the wrong parts. He was practically screaming in his mind for Jeremiah to say they'd broken up, but no such luck.

It all turned south when someone asked, "So why didn't he just stay straight?"

"Because he wasn't straight," Blaine cut in before he knew he was going to speak. Everyone turned to look at him, and he grew extremely self-conscious. "I mean…" He glanced helplessly at Jeremiah and, once again, the older boy came to his rescue.

"Because," Jeremiah explained, a lot more patiently than Blaine had, "one is who you are, and the other is who you love. Asking why a gay trans* person didn't just 'stay straight' is like asking why a gay cis person doesn't just 'turn straight.' You can't change who you are any more than you can change who you love. One of the things he told me was that he never even experienced sexual attraction until he realized he was transgender. He had all of this discomfort and hatred for his own body that he just didn't understand, and so he ignored it. He ignored his body entirely because he wanted nothing to do with the parts of him that felt like they didn't belong. But once he started to accept the disconnect between his body and mind…"

"But he could've just kept those thoughts to himself," the same person argued. "If accepting the disconnect allowed him to experience attraction, why couldn't he have just known for himself and moved on? Society doesn't accept trans* people, and I doubt it ever fully will. His life could be so much easier if he just kept living as a straight female."

"Acceptance isn't the same thing as being okay," Blaine said as Jeremiah said, "But he wasn't female."

Jeremiah looked up at Blaine and the eyes in the room followed his example.

Well, here goes.

"Accepting that you're trans* doesn't mean you're okay," Blaine repeated. "It just means that now you know why. If anything, knowing why makes it worse because you start to overanalyze every little thing. It gains a focus. You do everything you can to change what's bothering you because now you know why and you know what will make it better. When I came out-" Blaine stopped speaking abruptly. He hadn't meant to say that. But no one was judging him. No one looked like they were about to beat him up, so he continued, "I started binding way too tight. My sides would get rubbed raw and sometimes it would feel like my ribs were being smashed into my spine. But I preferred that pain to the antsy feeling I got when I wasn't binding. I'd sink in on myself. I never talked. I just wanted people to stop looking at me. I wanted to go home and lock myself in my room. Crawl under a rock and never come out again. When I first came out, I got shoved into a locker, and I was so thrilled to be myself, to think that they wouldn't have shoved a girl like that… My friend thought I was high on something. I can take the prejudice and misunderstanding. I can't take pretending to be something I'm not. It takes too much effort."

"Thank you for sharing that," the group leader said sincerely and Blaine felt his face heat up. "You're new, aren't you?"

Blaine nodded. Social niceties forced him to introduce himself and tell (an extremely altered, watered down version of) his story. Once the focus was off him, he felt a lot better. It was really weird sitting in a room full of people who _knew_. No one was treating him differently. No one was singling him out. After the initial anxiety wore off, he realized he really liked it. He liked knowing that he was sitting in a room with a bunch of people who knew his outside didn't conform to the traditional definition of male, and that they were willing to accept him that way. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Jeremiah asked Blaine if he wanted to get coffee after the meeting, and Blaine confessed he had to work. So the older boy walked him to the mall and they talked a bit about nothing.

Just as Blaine was about to say goodbye to walk in to work, Jeremiah stopped him.

"This is my number," Jeremiah said, scribbling on the back of a receipt. He passed it to Blaine. "If you ever want to talk, you can call me. Any time."

"Thanks," Blaine said.

He must have looked confused because Jeremiah went on, "I know that, no matter how supportive everyone is… It's tough. It was for Blake."

"It got better?" Blaine guessed.

"It ended," Jeremiah replied. "He killed himself last year. So… I mean it. If you're ever feeling low or alone or you just need to yell at someone… you can call me. I know how much courage it had to take to come out. I also know it takes just as much if not more courage to ignore the haters and keep on going."

Blaine smiled. "So, are you my wizard of Oz?" he joked. "Just handing out courage?"

Jeremiah grinned. "Sorry I couldn't afford a nice medal," he threw back. "I don't want to make you late to work."

Blaine glanced at his phone- he had about five minutes. "Thanks," he said again and bade Jeremiah farewell. Just before he put his phone away, a thought occurred to him. He opened up a new text message, typed one word, and hit send.

He wondered if he could be the wizard that chased away Kurt's bullies. It would take more than words, but a simple "Courage" seemed like a good start.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen: New Friends  
TPD: Never Been Kissed

"I need advice."

"Okay."

"There's this guy- a bully, and he's one of those homophobes who's actually gay themselves but can't admit it."

"Is he bullying you?"

"No," Blaine replied. "A friend of mine. At a different school. I actually first came to the LGBT group because I wanted to help find a way to stop stuff like this."

"Bullying or self-hating homophobes?"

"Well… Bullying. But both, actually. I can't imagine how awful it must be to hate something and know that you're that way, so you're like… Trying to change it about yourself, but you can't. I'd probably lash out at anyone who didn't seem to be being eaten alive by it, too."

"And that's why you might be the perfect candidate to help this boy. You can see it from his perspective. Homophobia is just another form of ignorance," Jeremiah said. "But you can't tell a homophobe that. You can't convince anyone of anything by calling them ignorant. You have to understand them, have to approach with compassion. Otherwise, you'll just make things worse."

"So what should I do?"

"There's no right answer. Be there for your friend. If you can, offer to be there for this bully. Maybe he just needs some compassion."

Blaine nodded, deep in thought. He could do that. They could help this guy. All he needed was to know that it was okay to be how he was, that it's okay that he couldn't change. That he wasn't some kind of abomination. "Has anyone ever told you that you're brilliant?" Blaine asked.

"Only everyone ever," Jeremiah quipped.

"Well, everyone ever is right," Blaine replied. "Thank you."

Jeremiah smiled at him and Blaine couldn't help the smile he shot back as his insides started rising into his throat. "Well, I'm going to be late to work if we don't finish these coffees while we walk, and I think you will be, too."

"Too true," Blaine agreed and rose.

They were halfway down the block to the mall and hadn't spoken much when Blaine suddenly said, "Do you want to go see a movie this weekend?"

"What movie?"

"Well, Harry Potter comes out this weekend," Blaine remarked nonchalantly. "Or something else."

"No, I was actually planning on seeing Harry Potter anyway. Not a midnight premiere, I'm not that enthusiastic, but on the weekend, sure."

"Awesome," Blaine said. "I'll text you when they post the movie times, yeah?"

"Sounds good," Jeremiah said. They'd reached the food court and he turned and started walking backward. "Have a good shift!"

Blaine waved. "You, too!"

He tried really hard not to stare when Jeremiah turned around, but ultimately failed. Jeremiah was dangerously close to crush territory.

Aside from one customer who insisted there wasn't enough protein powder in his drink, Blaine had a good shift. He was still fully prepared to shower and collapse into his bed that night. There was a brief delay when he decided to text Kurt, to ask him about the bully. They'd face him tomorrow. Blaine went to sleep feeling like the day had been extremely productive.

"Homophobia is just another form of ignorance," he repeated to Kurt over lunch the next afternoon. "He just needs to understand that he can't change himself and… that's okay. But I guess it's going to take a little more than two guys telling him that."

"Yeah," Kurt agreed, and Blaine wished he could make the other boy smile. He looked so… down.

"Hey," Blaine said, not sure what was going to follow, but hoping it was good. "I know he took your first kiss, but he can't take anything else. You're going to have a first love and a first… well, everything else, and that'll more than make up for it."

A small smile played its way onto Kurt's face and Blaine felt his own mirror the expression. "Thanks. It's just… I have all these ridiculous romantic notions about everything and-"

"Romance is not ridiculous," Blaine interrupted. He tried not to picture himself giving flowers or something to Jeremiah. "I wish I were better at it though."

They both laughed softly. "So, what are you doing this weekend?" Kurt asked.

"Going to a movie with a friend," Blaine replied. "Why?"

"There's this production of _The Sound of Music_ happening a couple districts over and my dad said I could go… if I found a buddy."

"Is he busy that night?" Blaine asked.

"Sort of," Kurt replied. "He's also really not into all this musical stuff, so I didn't want to make him go."

"I could definitely make a Sunday matinee," Blaine suggested.

"Great," Kurt replied. "Do you want to do lunch before we catch the bus?"

"Definitely," Blaine agreed. "Breadstix?"

"Perfect."

Blaine grinned. Today was going perfectly. He got a text as soon as he walked into his dorm from Jeremiah. He'd been watching something and a trailer for the movie had come on, and had just texted to say he was excited to hang out.

Blaine was on top of the world.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen: Crashing Down

"So what are your favorite musicals?"

Blaine grinned and leaned back. "I couldn't possibly pick," he replied. "I like them all. Classics, and pop musicals, and rock operas… Everything except _Cats_."

"Okay," Kurt nodded. "But sometimes you just have to see something with a lot of spectacle and no plot."

Blaine laughed and acquiesced. He'd been massively bummed when Jeremiah had gotten called in to work and couldn't see the movie with him, but Kurt was fun to hang out with. Blaine was surprised how quickly they'd become friends, and he was really glad Kurt had showed up. It'd been too long since he'd been able to talk to someone about his love of Broadway. He'd been too concerned with appearing too feminine at Dalton to indulge in anything but his most manly of passions.

"Do you act or just sing?" Kurt prompted.

"I was in a production of West Side Story back in middle school, but we don't talk about that," he laughed. "It was… Well, a bunch of pre-pubescents putting on a musical about gang violence without any gang violence so parents wouldn't get mad."

Kurt laughed. "That actually sounds adorable. Who did you play?"

"Uh," Blaine felt his stomach clench. "I was just in the chorus," he lied.

"Really?" Kurt asked. "You have such an amazing voice, though."

"You didn't hear it before it dropped," Blaine pointed out.

"Fair enough," he said. "Well, I'd love to be in West Side Story. And being in the chorus is fun."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, even if his one musical experience hadn't been. "Not nearly as much pressure."

Kurt grinned and his phone went off, signaling that it was about time to finish up their coffee and get to the show. "So, which is your favorite song in this one?" Blaine asked.

"The Hills Are Alive," Kurt replied immediately.

"Me, too," Blaine grinned.

The production wasn't too good, but it was passable. He was sort of sad to go back to school when it was over. Hanging out with Kurt was amazing. It was nice having a friend who was going through what he was. Or, sort of what Blaine had gone through.

He had a voicemail from Cooper when he finally got back to his dorm.

"Hey, Blaine," Cooper said, and Blaine immediately sensed something was wrong. "I have some bad news."

He sat, hoping it was an unnecessary precaution. "I can't help with your tuition next year," he explained. "Actually, I can't help at all. I'm really sorry, squirt. I know it's awful, and I should have told you sooner, but I was hoping I could find some way, but there just isn't one. I already talked to mom and dad. They're not… immediately open to the idea but come summer, I'm sure I can have them turned around, okay? They do miss you, and I think they're finally getting to understand you're still the same person."

Blaine deleted the voicemail. He couldn't listen to the rest. He couldn't go back to his parents. What if they made him dress like a girl? What if they micromanaged his life to make sure he wasn't doing anything they disapproved of? Or… just that he didn't do anything. What if they sent him off to some kind of straight camp or had him institutionalized? What if-?

He cried himself to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen: Transferred  
TPD: Furt

Blaine stared at the salad in front of him.

"Your room is just how you left it."

He didn't want to be here. At least it wasn't Breadstix or somewhere he might run into someone, or somewhere he had good memories that this situation would certainly ruin.

"Oh," he replied.

Blaine wanted so badly to insist he wasn't going to dress like a girl or to stare at them angrily, daring them to challenge his masculinity, defying their connection to him as parents. But instead he just felt small and lost. They were his parents, and they were here, and he wanted them to tell him they loved him. He wanted that so badly. He didn't want them to say "Your room is how you left it." He wanted them to say "We're so glad to have you back." Anything. Anything that said that they cared about him at all or wanted him around or even just respected him enough to call him son.

"Cooper was telling us you've been going to boarding school."

"Yeah," Blaine replied without managing to look up yet.

"Well, do you want to continue? We can look into cost."

Blaine clenched his jaw. They were already planning on how to get rid of him. "Yeah, maybe," he agreed. "People like me there. They respect me."

He hadn't planned for it to be accusing, but as soon as it left his mouth, he'd realized he wanted it to be. Except it wasn't. He was ready to do anything short of go back to pretending to convince them to keep him. To remind them that they loved him and that he hadn't changed. He was still the same person. God, why did he want these people who had been so awful to him?

"Well, I hear Crawford Country Day has a good singing program."

Blaine wanted to throw up. "I've got friends at Dalton," he said.

"Dalton is practically next door. That works out perfectly."

"No, I mean, I have friends at Dalton because I go to Dalton," Blaine mumbled.

"Don't be ridiculous. Dalton is an all-boys school."

He was going to throw up. "Yes," Blaine agreed. "It is."

"Maybe we should just transfer you to a different public school."

"Maybe."

By the time they finally left the restaurant, Blaine had eaten maybe two bites in spite of his determination to focus entirely on his food. It was odd being in the car with his parents. He'd forgotten what that felt like. Of course, he could remember that it didn't feel this awkward and hadn't been this painful. They talked about his future in the front seat as though he had no choice in the matter. Talked about how there had to be some kind of vocal corrective surgery to undo the "damage" he'd done to his voice or some kind of procedure to "fix" his chest.

He finally did throw up when he got back to his dorm. He'd barely had a chance to start crying when his phone started ringing. He sniffled and wiped furiously at his eyes. "Hey, Jeremiah! How's it going?"

"Good," Jeremiah replied. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great," Blaine told him with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

"Awesome, because I finally have a day off work Sunday and wondered if you still wanted to see HP?"

"Definitely!" What were those butterflies doing in his stomach? Were they trying to make him vomit all over again?

"Good. A group of us are meeting for the four o'clock showing at the mall and probably getting dinner after."

"Sounds awesome," Blaine agreed, trying not to show that some of his enthusiasm was ebbing. He'd wanted Jeremiah to himself. Like a date. Except not a date because Jeremiah wasn't _asking _him on a date. But it might've felt like a date. With no kissing. Which would have been fine because he really liked Jeremiah and could wait. Maybe Blaine would have to make the first move? No. Blaine was definitely not brave enough for that. Besides, what could he even do? Who even said Jeremiah was interested in him that way? No, they would definitely have to hang out more before Blaine could determine whether or not it was worth putting himself out there.

"See you then!"

"Yeah."

So, he was going to see Jeremiah on Sunday. Well, and Jeremiah's friends, but he'd still see Jeremiah. Now if only he could stop thinking about his parents. What if they took him out of Dalton? What was going to happen to him now that they appeared to be showing an interest in keeping him? Even if he thought he would, he couldn't just run away. They might call the police and have them out looking for him. Besides, he wanted them back so badly. There was no way he was going to Crawford. He'd rather go to public school. Maybe-

He was dialing Kurt's phone number before he even finished the thought. "Blaine. Hi."

Was Kurt pleased or just surprised to hear from him?

"Hey," Blaine greeted. "How are things?"

"Good," Kurt replied. "How about you?"

"Good," Blaine agreed. "I was just wondering-" and then he remembered that he could just ask Kurt how his school was. It was awful. "How are things with that football player?"

"Oh."

Blaine waited. "Oh?"

"Well, I confronted him," Kurt replied.

"Good!" Blaine grinned. "That's great!"

"Actually, it sort of… made things worse. My dad and Carole and I were just talking and… I'm probably going to transfer schools."

Blaine felt his stomach drop. How bad had it gotten? And it was all Blaine's fault. He'd encouraged Kurt to stand up to this bully and it had gotten worse. It had gotten so bad that he was transferring. "Are you okay?" he asked immediately. "Did he hurt you?"

"He threatened to," Kurt said. "Otherwise, no. A few 'accidental' bumps in the hall, but mostly just… intimidation."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt."

"Me, too."

"This is all my fault."

"What?"

"If I hadn't told you to stand up to-"

"Don't be ridiculous," Kurt interrupted him. "Karofsky is a Neanderthal and things were always going to end up here somehow. You're the person who tried to help. Maybe if some of my friends had stuck up for me- god, don't tell anyone I said that. I'm not trying to…"

"Don't worry about it."

"Thanks. It's just been… a horrible week."

"I'm glad you're getting away from it," Blaine told Kurt. "Do you know where you're being transferred?"

"Actually, that's what was being discussed. Dad and Carole are sending me to Dalton. Think you can show me around?"

"Please," Blaine scoffed. "Show you around? I'll probably talk the Warblers into creating a new spot for you in the group."

He could hear Kurt's smile through the phone. "I guess I made the right choice then."

"Yeah," Blaine said and his smile faded. Kurt was coming to Dalton. What would happen when his parents pulled Blaine out next year? "Are you staying in the dorms, or…?"

"It's a bit of a drive," Kurt said. "We haven't finalized anything, but I'll probably stay during the week."

"Good," Blaine said. "Then we will most certainly have to have movie nights or something."

"Thanks. Really, Blaine. I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel."

"I can imagine," Blaine replied. "When are you transferring?"

"Tomorrow, actually. My dad talked to the principal today, convinced him it couldn't wait until next semester. So… tomorrow."

"Wow. That's fast."

"Yeah, but I'm glad."

"Me, too. It's good you don't have to… be in that situation anymore." But Blaine would be next year. Even if school was okay, his parents were going to be awful. And if school wasn't okay, then nothing would be. He'd go from one placed full of bullies to another. "Hey, I've got to work on some homework, but I guess I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay! See you then."

Blaine hung up the phone and decided to stop thinking about it. There was nothing he could do about the situation with his parents, so he might as well just stop. He'd go to sleep and things would look better in the morning.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen: The New Kid  
TPD: Special Education

"He's a countertenor, and it would give us a nice round fifteen," Blaine urged the council.

"We've had auditions for the semester, Blaine," David reminded him. "It's going to seem unfair if we just take a transfer- especially without an audition- after we've already said no to a bunch of guys who've actually been here at Dalton, some of them trying out semester after semester."

"I know," Blaine placated. "But none of them could hit soprano notes. When I first got into this choir, that was why. Then my voice changed. Well, Kurt's voice is probably going to stay in the countertenor range."

"How do we know that he's going to mesh well with the group, though? No one's heard him but you, Blaine."

He nodded. "True," he agreed. He really wanted Kurt to fit in here. No matter what the other boy said, Blaine still felt partially responsible for the quick downward spiral that sent him to Dalton in the first place. "I can vouch for him. He's talented, caring, and he's in the Glee club at the school he's transferring from. He'll fit right in without any hullabaloo."

If only Blaine had been right. Later the next day, he found himself swearing that he'd talk to Kurt about being a team player. He barely managed to keep the despair from his voice as he assured Kurt that he'd fit in soon enough. He'd vouched for Kurt, and now the Warblers were frustrated with Blaine because Kurt hadn't fit right in. So he suggested that Kurt just wanted to contribute to the group, and maybe he'd feel like he was more a part of things if he had a shot to audition for a solo. It wasn't like Kurt had gone and told The Warblers that they sucked… exactly. He just wanted to help. He had suggestions. The Warblers took him at his word, and Blaine hoped that would be the end of it.

To top it all off, Kurt sent him an emergency text right when he was running late on Sunday to meet Jeremiah and everyone for the movie. Pavarotti was molting and Blaine remembered when he'd freaked out about that, but he needed Kurt to stop needing him. Blaine had plans. Blaine was going on a not-date with a group of people and Jeremiah was going to be there. Why did Kurt have such awful timing? As soon as Kurt seemed relieved enough to get on with things, Blaine rushed out to catch the bus into town but was still late.

He missed the movie. He didn't even wait for everyone to get dinner after. He probably shouldn't have tried going out that late in the first place and, god, there was a voicemail from his mother. He tried not to listen to it, but she wanted to know "Are you still the same clothing size, Corinne? I'm uniform shopping and I don't want to get the wrong thing."

So he went to the gym and beat up on the punching bag until his muscles were so tired he could barely walk back to his room for a shower.

Kurt's performance blew him away while it was happening, but to hear the group talk after… more bad reflections on Blaine.

"He sang a woman's song."

"I sang a woman song at my audition," Blaine reminded them.

"Yes, but it was a pop song- not a show-stopping solo from one of the most famous musicals of all-time."

"He's trying to impress us. Being the new kid sucks."

"You're right, Blaine," David agreed, "but The Warblers is a team. It's not about impressing us. It's about everyone in this room and what is best for everyone in this room. We gave him a shot. We brought him into the group because of his range and your recommendation. I hope his attitude gets better."

Blaine nodded. He could argue further, but they'd already formed their opinions and it was likely that anything Kurt did was going to reinforce it at this point. What Kurt had to do now was hang back, take direction, do what was asked of him- nothing more. It wasn't that hard. Why did Kurt have to be so… attention-starved?

He barely managed to smile when he suggested Kurt adopt a more team-driven attitude and was almost certain a little of his frustration shone through. He needed this. He needed his friend to tone it down because Blaine couldn't deal with The Warblers hating him for his recommendation and he certainly couldn't deal with having to kick Kurt out of the group.

Thankfully, Kurt took Blaine's words to heart. He toned it down. He acclimated to the team-driven method the Warblers lived by. During their sectionals performance, Blaine risked a couple glances toward Kurt. He was smiling, didn't seem bothered by his background role. Good. With a voice as good as Kurt's, he'd be in the spotlight soon enough, anyway. It didn't hurt that Blaine hadn't heard from his parents again since that voicemail. He realized some of his anger toward Kurt had come from the stress of next year and what was going to happen to him. But he couldn't think about that now. They had to win sectionals.

They tied.

Blaine tried really hard not to blame himself, but he had been distracted. They should have won. They had to be the best, not equally as good as their competition. They had to win nationals. And this was probably his last chance because whatever school his parents were going to force him to attend next year… Blaine probably wouldn't want to be in their Glee club. If they even had one.

He'd just have to work even harder. Who knows? Maybe he could convince his parents to let him stay at Dalton. But they had to win. Especially if it was his last chance.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen: The Blue Fairy  
TPD: A Very Glee Christmas

"Corinne, I got you a part in the Christmas recital for the local church," his mother said. Blaine's grip on the phone tightened as he listened to the voicemail. "I gave the coordinator your phone number, I hope that's okay. Only, I know how much you like performing and I guess your father and I have missed a lot. So. We look forward to seeing you perform on Friday!"

Blaine rolled his eyes. That night, he received the dreaded phone call from whoever was coordinating the church recital. "Can I talk to Corinne?" The voice was unmistakably female and horribly businesslike.

"Look, I'm sorry, but my mom has lost her mind," Blaine replied without hesitation. "I don't even know how to respond to that question because you can't talk to Corinne as she doesn't exist, but I'm definitely who you called to talk to."

"Sorry?"

"Sorry," Blaine apologized, feeling simultaneously awkward and excruciatingly dysphoric. "My name is Blaine. My mom gave you my number."

"I-"

"What she neglected to mention is that my name hasn't been Corinne for quite a while. I'm transgender."

"Oh."

"So, I'm sorry you wasted your time and that she felt the need to bring you into whatever family drama-"

"Blaine, is it?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find guys willing to be in a Christmas pageant?"

Blaine frowned. "What?"

"If you're willing, I need a male for 'Baby, It's Cold Outside.'"

He spluttered incoherently for a moment. "What?"

"Sweetheart," she sighed. "I don't care who you were yesterday or five years ago or who your mother wants you to be. I have been tearing my hair out for the past month trying to put this thing together, and I honestly have no idea what is going on in your family- and I don't want to, since it's not my business- but you sound like you could actually hit the notes in this song. Whatever my personal beliefs are."

Blaine wrinkled his nose at that last. This wasn't going to be the best experience if he said yes. But if a complete stranger wanted to cast him in a male role and his parents were going to see it… Maybe it would help. They had to see him as a son. He couldn't bear to live with them if they didn't.

So he went to the two rehearsals. The first didn't even involve rehearsing. They read through a watery excuse for a script that basically just tied the songs together and the director told them all when to go onstage and from where. So he went looking for Kurt one afternoon and asked him to rehearse the song. Kurt was the only one he knew at Dalton who could hit the notes and he really did want to get to know Kurt better. Which meant more hanging out. So that's what Blaine would do. Besides, no one should study all the time. Which is exactly what Kurt was doing when Blaine found him.

As intent as Blaine had been on distracting Kurt from studying to hang out all afternoon, Blaine forced himself to leave. It was supposed to have just been acting, but it had gotten a little too real. At some point, Blaine was certain he wanted to kiss the other boy and that… was not acceptable. Kurt was gay. Not bisexual. Gay. If Blaine got involved with Kurt, the same thing that happened with Justin would happen again. So Blaine would do the smart thing and nip this in the bud. He was not going to fall for Kurt and get his heart broken again. They'd be awesome friends. In the meantime, Blaine could focus on what was going to happen next year. This Christmas show was the first way to do it.

Finally, the second rehearsal came around and they got to actually run the show. By the time they had an audience, Blaine was so nervous he felt like he might throw up.

His parents were out there.

His parents were out there and expected to see him being a girl.

Well, they weren't going to get their way. Not this time. Not that way. Not ever again.

He and Amanda sang their duet and she was alright, but not quite as good as Kurt. Then again, Kurt was so talented he'd probably be on Broadway before he graduated college. If he even bothered with college. Kurt could probably just go straight to New York and land a dream job with the kind of talent he possessed.

When he saw his parents after, his father wouldn't even look at him. His mother's lips seemed to be pressed into a thin line by some invisible force. "Did you like the show?" he mumbled when they reached the car. He wished he'd taken the bus. He didn't want to spend the next however long in the car with them.

"You were singing a boy's part," was all his mother managed to say.

"Yes," Blaine agreed.

"You were supposed to sing a girl's part."

"Why?" Blaine asked in a small voice.

"Because you're a girl, Corinne!" his father said angrily. "Whatever you've put into your body to- to transform and mutilate it the way you have- You are a girl. Corinne, you are a girl."

Blaine bit his lip. He couldn't speak. He couldn't because if he opened his mouth or breathed at all, he was going to start crying.

"The only reason we're letting you finish at that boys' school- which, by the way, I don't want to know how you and Cooper hoodwinked them into letting you in- is because it's been paid for and we don't want to disrupt your schooling any more than necessary."

"Then let me go back next year," he barely managed to strangle out.

"No, Corinne. No. We let you go, and that was a mistake. You've done everything you can to ruin your life, and we're going to do what we can to fix it."

"If you take me out of Dalton," Blaine warned, "if you expect me to go back to pretending to be a girl-"

"You _are _a girl, Corinne!"

"I'm not!" Blaine shouted. "If I could have chosen anything besides parents kicking me out of the house, hating me-"

"We don't hate you, Corinne," his mother interrupted.

"Yes, you do!" He was crying now and hated himself for it.

"We love you, sweetheart. That's why we're here."

"You love who you want me to be," Blaine replied miserably. "You love someone that doesn't exist and I can't be her, mom. And if you make me try, I'll kill myself."

The words hung in the air a moment.

"Don't be ridiculous," his mom said.

"I'm not being ridiculous," Blaine insisted. "That is not who I am. I cannot be anyone other than who I am, and you're my parents. It's… supposed to be your job to love me no matter what."

"We do, sweetheart. That's why we're trying to help you."

"If you want to help me, you can start by calling me Blaine."

"Absolutely not."

"My name is Blaine. Blaine Devon Anderson, and calling me anything else is disrespectful and it makes me want to jump out of this moving vehicle. You have no idea how awful I felt all the time before. I've always felt wrong- like I was born wrong. If you really want to help me, stop trying to change me. Please, just…" He shook his head, overcome. _Just love me_, he thought desperately. Finally, he managed to finish his sentence. "Just let me out. Pull over. Let me out. I can catch the bus a few blocks that way."

"You're not taking the bus."

"I've taken the bus for over a year!" Blaine yelled. "Now pull the damn car over and let me out or I swear to god I'll get out without you stopping!"

"Fine," his dad said in a low deadly voice. He'd been quiet, but clearly he was ready to chime in again. "You want to ruin your life, go ahead. But we're not helping. We're not sending you to some boys' school, and we are not indulging you while you run around, pretending to be a boy, probably engaging in some lesbian relationship while you're at it."

Blaine opened the door and climbed out. "That won't be a problem," he shot back angrily and slammed the door. He heard his mother calling "Wait!" after him, but he started walking and his dad turned the car around and drove off in the opposite direction.

Fine.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen:The Walking Dead  
TPD: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

"I just feel like they have to come around somehow," Blaine told Jeremiah. He took a sip of coffee and winced as he realized it had gotten cold. How long had he and Jeremiah been hanging out? He didn't even have the heart to be happy that he and Jeremiah had been on what any outsider could have labeled a date for- he glanced at a clock- two hours. "And it's like… the worse they are to me, the more I think I can just… convince them somehow."

"Maybe they will come around, "Jeremiah told him. That's the other thing- Blaine hadn't told Jeremiah how bad it was. Jeremiah thought he lived with his parents and they just weren't supportive. He hadn't told him he'd been kicked out of the house over a year ago. "Then again, maybe they won't. The thing is, Blaine, you've got people who love you." Blaine's heart jumped at that. Maybe Jeremiah loved him? Could possibly love him as more than a friend? "You will always have people who love you, and they're the ones that matter. In two years, you'll graduate and it won't matter what your parents think or say or do. I know it sucks, and I know that 'it gets better' is the worst thing any kid can hear because it's the equivalent of 'just be patient,' but it's true. It's going to get better. Can't get worse, right?"

Blaine smiled a little, even if he thought it could- and very well might- get worse. His face fell. "It just sucks," he shrugged. "I… honestly feel like they don't love me. Like, I went to a football game with Kurt at his old high school, and his dad and stepmom were there and they were so… great. They love him. Unconditionally. And I had a great time at the game, but I got home and just…" _Felt so lonely_, his brain supplied but his mouth refused to admit.

"Hey," Jeremiah said and grabbed Blaine's hand to get him to look up. Blaine wondered how red his cheeks were turning as the older boy continued to hold his hand. "If you ever need to get away, just call me, alright? If you're feeling awful or you just need someone to pull you out of your head… My phone is always on. Day or night or so-early-in-the-morning-Satan-himself-is-asleep. You're not alone."

Blaine responded with a watery smile and looked down. He pulled his hand free under the pretense of needing it to drink his coffee. "Cold," he remarked and glanced at the clock again. "You, sir, are going to be late for work, and if I don't get my math homework done…"

Jeremiah nodded. "Don't be late to the next movie, okay?"

"Not my fault," Blaine insisted with a smile. "But I won't be."

Jeremiah grinned back as they parted ways and Blaine made his way to the bus stop to get back to school. Except Blaine had been scouring the streets, looking for the right signs and he thought he'd seen one.

"How much?" he asked the guy on the corner.

The guy laughed a little. "You're a little too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to be asking that question. "Who sent you?"

"No one sent me," Blaine replied smoothly, decided he'd made the right assumption. "And I'm not your typical customer. I want to know if you can get something a little different than what you're used to."

"You don't know what I'm used to, kid. And I don't take new customers without references."

"I need someone who can get me testosterone," Blaine stated simply without acknowledging the dismissal. This guy was a dealer and, if he could get it, he'd want Blaine's money. "My last guy disappeared and I've been looking for a new guy. I have money. Can you get what I need?"

The new guy pushed his coat aside to slip a hand in his jeans pocket, and it was just enough for Blaine to get a glimpse of a gun tucked into the waistband. He tried not to let the sudden fear building in his chest show on his face. "How much do you want?"

"Four hundred milligrams, once a month. How much will it cost?"

Finally, the guy smiled. "The name's Ky," he said and reached out a hand which Blaine shook. "Now, I've got to do a bit of research- see how much this stuff costs, how hard it is for me to get… Then I can give you an estimate. But right now- You can't just call a plumber and tell him your sink's not working, how much will it cost? He's got to have a look at the thing. So…?"

"Blaine."

"Blaine. Give me a week and I'll give you a price."

"Good," Blaine replied. "See you in a week, Ky."

Ky grinned at him, and Blaine remembered the feeling of being a commodity rush back to him in all its sleaziness. But he'd been thinking about it the past few weeks and his emotions had been everywhere. He didn't feel level like he did when he was on hormones. It wasn't just the extra stress. It was everything, and if he blew a few hundred dollars each month to make himself feel better, then it was fine. It wasn't like he was doing real drugs. It wasn't any different than when he'd had to bind his chest.

Anything to keep him from melting down.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty: Listen  
TPD: Silly Love Songs (finally!) through Blame It on the Alcohol

Blaine felt so much better now that he was back on hormones. He felt more like himself, more level, more confident. Everything was going his way. He and Kurt were becoming really great friends- Kurt even jumped to his defense when he tried to convince the Warblers to sing off-campus.

Which is unfortunately when the roller coaster he was riding reached the top of the hump and began speeding down.

_We went out for coffee twice._

God, he was stupid. He was so stupid. Jeremiah was just trying to be nice. Trying to make him feel accepted. Blaine felt like the stupid kid brother all over again. Cooper had enjoyed their summer together well enough, but when it came down to it, no one wanted him for just him. He was just some sad little thing they wanted to make smile but really had no personal attachment to. Just a project. A social obligation.

Valentine's day sucked.

Especially the part where Kurt thought Blaine had been in love with him? What did that mean? Was Kurt-? Blaine didn't know what to do. Kurt was wonderful and attractive and a really good friend, but Blaine could not and would not ask him on a date. He'd been through that with Justin, and Blaine was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to bear having someone else look at him weird or abandon him right after the The Warblers' Gap Ka-splat. He made a mental note to stop naming it things. In fact, he decided it would just be best to forget it ever happened, forget he ever knew Jeremiah.

He'd just find a nice bisexual somewhere. Or, better yet, he would just give up on love entirely. He had friends. He had… Well, who knew what he'd have a year from now when his parents ripped him away from Dalton, from everything he'd grown to love.

If they insisted he pretend to be a girl, he'd run away. He didn't care. If they chased him, he'd keep running If they caught him, he'd run again. If he couldn't run… Well, he'd meant that suicide threat. He'd rather die than go back to what he'd had before. God, and when they found out he was gay on top of it all… He'd be surprised if his dad didn't go into a murderous rage and beat him to death.

He was all but jumping for joy when Kurt invited him to a house party. There'd be alcohol, and Blaine was going to put as much of it in his stomach as he could. It was fantastic. It was brilliant. His head was swimming with lightning and puppies and really great dance beats.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun. It didn't even matter that Kurt was probably only hanging out with him because he wanted to get into what he mistakenly thought was in Blaine's pants and, gosh, Finn was tall. If he weren't so straight… But if it were spin the bottle, no one would question that, and Blaine was fully prepared to kiss one Finn Hudson. Actually, being back on hormones had made him want to kiss just about everything, so he wasn't even disappointed when fate or gravity or centrifugal force or whatever it was paired him and Rachel Berry.

"Blaine Warbler, I'm gonna rock your world!"

He crawled halfway across the circle as she spoke and they kissed. And Blaine felt that kiss run straight down his core like he'd been stabbed, but then it turned into water and bubbles, and he reached out to cradle the side of her head because if she pulled away right now, it was going to ruin his night.

Blaine pulled away, feeling like something was finally going right.

"I think I just found a new duet partner!" Rachel cried out, and Blaine was all too happy to join her on the ridiculous little stage for a song. God, it was fun. God, he felt good. What if he wasn't gay? What if he and Rachel were meant to be? He could maybe get his parents to accept him as male, and then he wouldn't have to go through it all again because he'd have Rachel.

God, she was a good singer.

He was perfectly content to spend the rest of the night making out with her.

God, and she was so much fun. They went on a date, and it was so much fun. Everything was perfect.

Except Kurt.

Blaine had thought Kurt was his friend, but apparently not. Apparently, just like everyone else, Kurt cared about something that he could get from Blaine and not about Blaine. He didn't want to be Blaine's friend. His jealousy was practically smothering, and Blaine just wanted… He wanted to be at least a little normal, and maybe he was. He owed it to himself to find out. He'd lived so long, convinced… What if maybe he was attracted to girls and it was just his own personal dysphoria that he'd projected onto them? Maybe it was only his own female parts that he felt so unattracted to.

Except it wasn't. Rachel kiss-attacked him in the Lima Bean, and he barely kept it together. He felt nothing. He thanked her, because she really had done him a service. She'd proved that he really was just gay. He excused himself to go wash his mouth. He could feel the ghost of failure still on his lips and he wanted it gone.

There wasn't any time to pretend he wasn't going to have to deal with this. He'd been putting it off and putting it off.

"Mom?"

"Hi, sweetie."

His mom sounded afraid of him. Great.

"I need to talk to you. And dad. And I need you to listen."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One: Reorientation  
TPD: Sexy

"So you're okay with it?"

"We're going to… call you Blaine. And… him," was all his father would commit to.

"What about the other part?"

"You being straight?"

"Me being gay," Blaine corrected, but not angrily. He was a little too happy at this small acceptance to get hung up on little things like that.

"You like boys."

"And that makes me gay," Blaine said. "Anyone who sees your family is going to see your son dating a boy. Not your daughter on hormones. They're going to see your younger, gay son."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," his dad said.

And Blaine guessed his dad meant that he needed to think. Whether it meant he needed to think and get it straight in his head that his son was a boy and gay, or if he needed to think about whether or not the "facts" about his "daughter" were more important than how his family was perceived.

They dropped him off at Dalton after lunch, and Blaine couldn't help the smile that was pasted on his face throughout Warblers rehearsal. Even things that should have worried him just amused him- namely the coach from Kurt's old school that they ran into at the Lima Bean after rehearsal.

"I just don't think-"

"Kurt, what is the problem?" Blaine asked. "We've got to step it up. Weren't you the one telling the Warblers about stepping out of our comfort zones?"

"Yes," Kurt replied quietly. "It's just… No, you're right. I can- I can do sexy. It'll be weird, but you're right. That's what competition is. That's how you win competitions. You have to- push yourself."

"Good," Blaine grinned. "In that case, I think you should know that the Council's been impressed with your recent attitude adjustment. I'm pretty sure that, if you auditioned for this solo with a pop song, they would give it to you."

"I don't know about a solo," Kurt fretted. "Especially not- not a sexy one. Maybe a duet."

Blaine tried not to let his sudden discomfort show on his face. If the Warblers did a duet, it would probably be him and Kurt. Kurt had to know that, so was this some kind of subtle attempt to-? To what? Blaine was being ridiculous. He was overthinking everything. Besides.

It was just a song.

"So I think my parents are finally coming around," Blaine changed the subject.

"Oh, my gosh. Blaine, that's great!"

"Yeah. They're not trying to set me up with girls or keep talking to me about girls and marriage and babies," he lied. Well, it wasn't a lie. It was just that he seemed to have made up some giant parallel life to tell people he was living so that he could talk about his parents without anyone knowing he was trans or that he'd been kicked out. The last thing he wanted was social services or the police involved.

"I'm so glad," Kurt told him sincerely, and Blaine was glad to have successfully changed the subject away from duets. Which it did end up being. But still.

It was just a song.

Actually, it was a song with really bad, really unsexy faces. Blaine barely managed to keep it together. He was pretty sure he lost some filters more than once, and he couldn't even manage to come up with a diplomatic way to tell Kurt that he was… failing.

Alright.

Blaine could do this.

Maybe if he just kept pretending they were just friends and there was no awkwardness, it would just come true. He offered to help Kurt and so went over to his house that afternoon. He vaguely remembered the night he spent in this room, but only vaguely. Blaine was pretty sure he'd still been a little drunk, because he didn't remember half of it.

_Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets._

"Well, Kurt, you have to learn about it some day."

_Not today. I think you should leave._

It took a moment to sink in, but it was all Blaine could think about for the rest of the day. Kurt wanted romance, no sex. Kurt seemed even more uncomfortable with the idea of sex than Blaine did. That meant that Kurt was the type to fall in love with people, and maybe not so much genitals. Which meant maybe…

Blaine hated himself for thinking it. He hated what he was setting himself up for because, if he was honest, he was already crushing on Kurt. Of course, he was perfectly capable of ignoring it, because he knew where that would lead, and he'd much rather have Kurt as a friend than as another memory of "I'm just a little too gay for this."

At least he could be a good friend to Kurt. It was probably a little too much to talk to Burt Hummel, but Kurt had to know these things or he was going to get hurt someday. And Blaine didn't want that. He was a little disconcerted how easily the lies about his own dad rolled off his tongue, but it wasn't like he was going to say something like "My dad didn't even love me enough to put a roof over my head, let alone give me the talk."

It hit him a little too close when he truthfully told Mr. Hummel that he didn't have that kind of relationship with his own dad. He felt like he was going to cry now, and was glad for the opportunity to leave because he was overstepping.

He didn't cry, of course. He just sort of wanted to. So he hit the gym when he got back and started punching the crap out of the punching bag. Once the endorphins kicked in, he realized he was mad about a lot more than his dad. He was mad about his parallel life, and about these feelings he had for Kurt that just wouldn't go away, and about the empty feeling in his pants where there should be _something_. But there wasn't. And if there had been, all of his problems just… wouldn't be problems. His dad would love him- or at least his dad would call him son. He wouldn't be terrified of romance, and he wouldn't have to make up stories because he was afraid of what people would think of him. He wouldn't feel like a freak, and he wouldn't have to hide things like his birth certificate in order to go to school here.

His parents would let him go to school here.

Blaine hit the shower before the tears could hit his eyelashes. Apparently even boxing couldn't cheer him up this time. Worse was the memory of those girls from Crawford County that they'd invited to watch their performance. He kept imagining himself being stuck standing with them, wearing those skirts and those bobby socks, and watching as his friends performed.

He couldn't even think of something to throw himself into to distract himself. Not right now.

So he decided to see if he felt any less miserable in the morning.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two: Kangaroo Court  
TPD: Original Song  
A/N: …what's Glee without a little RetCon? SH TRENT HAS BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME

"Blackbird" had been stuck in his head all day. Well, Kurt had been stuck in his head all day. "Blackbird" was just the underscoring. If he was honest, Blaine had had Kurt stuck in his head since the day he'd tried to help his friend learn how to be sexy. Since it seemed apparent that maybe Kurt wouldn't want to hop right into bed with him and find out… he was wrong. Blaine was probably kidding himself. Eventually, they would both want that and Kurt would find out, but Blaine was hoping feverishly that maybe, just maybe, Kurt would love him enough by then that it wouldn't matter.

So he talked to Wes.

"Blaine, man, I think you should go for it," Wes said. "The worst he can do is say no, and trust me- he's not going to do that. We've all been agonizing through this from the sidelines. You two clearly have had a thing for each other since he got here. Not since he transferred here. Since he showed up that day to 'spy' on us."

"I haven't-"

"You have. Apparently all it took was a beautiful heart-felt solo for you to figure it out."

"That's it!"

"What?"

Blaine grinned. "Wes, you're a genius!"

"I know, but what did I do?"

"I'm getting there," Blaine said. "Can we call an emergency meeting of the Warblers?"

"Yeah…"

"What do you think are the chances of everyone agreeing to Kurt and me singing a duet? Maybe for Regionals?"

Wes grinned. "Probably pretty good. Kurt's really acclimated to the group, and his voice is just…"

"Beautiful," Blaine replied, the memory of that Beatles solo fuzzing out the present conversation.

"So I'll let everyone know? How about lunch period?"

"Don't let Kurt know."

"Why?"

Blaine gestured helplessly. "I just… If people are against it, I'd rather not get his hopes up, you know?"

No one was against it. In fact, by the time the meeting was over, they'd all decided to convince Kurt that it was a spur-of-the-moment decision at practice that day. Blaine barely kept it together as they all made comically praiseful comments about his voice and Kurt still seemed unaware that it was all a farce. He caught Wes' eye as Kurt mouthed to have his name put on the audition list.

Blaine's favorite part was the surprised and pleased look on Kurt's face when everyone's hands went up. So now all that remained was for Blaine to screw his courage to the sticking place and just…

Oh, god. He was going to vomit. He was absolutely going to vomit. He gave Kurt a time for the next day to rehearse and had to get out of there.

"You okay, Blaine?"

Blaine turned around. "Hey, Trent."

"You look a little green."

"No, I'm… awesome."

"You sure?"

Blaine shook his head. "But it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it."

"I know we haven't hung out all that much, but I still consider you a friend, okay? We practically joined the Warblers together. That makes us like… I dunno. But I'm pretty good at listening, and I'm also good at not blabbing other people's business everywhere."

Trent had been another mid-semester add like Kurt. Well, Trent had been replacing a sophomore who'd overextended himself and had to drop some things. It was true that they hadn't hung out a lot, and Blaine assumed the rest was true as well. Trent never had anything negative to say about anyone.

"I'm probably just in love with Kurt or something," Blaine mumbled.

Trent's immediate response was to light up with a big smile. "That's great! Are you going to tell him?"

"I guess," Blaine shrugged. "The thought kind of makes me want to vomit or lock myself in my room."

"Don't do that," Trent shook his head. "It's probably dumb to tell you he's obviously going to say yes because it's impossible to predict anyone's actions, and telling you the worst he can do is say no is also pretty- I mean rejection sucks, right? Sorry, this isn't as helpful as I meant it to be. But, what I mean is… How do you feel right now?"

"Nauseous. Nervous. Like I'm about to spontaneously combust, maybe."

Trent nodded. "Exactly. And until you tell him, you're going to continue to feel that way. After you tell him, you're either going to feel on top of the world or beneath the sea, but either way… It's got to be better than holding on to a secret that's never going away. Which the sting of rejection always does. So."

Blaine smiled a little. "You should probably add 'great at giving advice' to that skill set."

"Maybe I will," Trent acknowledged. "So?"

"I'll tell him."

Blaine spent the next twenty-four hours talking to himself and trying to figure out just what he was going to say. Kurt liked romance, so it had to be something sweeping and… God, he felt like he'd been looking for the right words forever. He wished he knew when he would figure out what they were. Why couldn't he just schedule a time, and they'd show up? They'd knock on his door, and he'd open it, invite them into his dorm, say "Oh, hey, right words. There you are. I've been looking for you forever."

He was never going to figure this out.

Finally, it was time to meet Kurt and rehearse their number, and he'd picked the perfect one, and he was 100% certain he was going to chicken out of telling Kurt anything, but then Kurt asked.

Trent was right. He couldn't live with this secret forever. And Kurt was right here. Kurt was asking. Blaine felt like he'd been waiting forever just for Kurt to ask him. And there he was.

_Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever._

Before he could lose the courage, the feeling that it was the right thing to do, Blaine leaned forward and kissed Kurt and Kurt kissed back, and they were still kissing, and then Blaine felt Kurt's hand on his face, and everything was… perfect. This was perfect. This was the best feeling and he couldn't even be bothered to wonder if it had felt this perfect with Justin and if Kurt would break his heart too because this was where he belonged. This was home.

Maybe he was feeling too much too fast, but he had been waiting forever after all, hadn't he?

He had no objections to spending the rest of their practice session using their lips for something other than singing.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three: Blackbird  
TPD: Original Song-A Night of Neglect

It constantly surprised Blaine how natural he felt around Kurt. He was halfway to cuddling his boyfriend's nerves away before their duet, and Blaine was professional about this sort of thing to a fault. He never would have done that before. Maybe he felt too much too fast, but he was definitely, definitely falling hard for Kurt.

It scared him.

What was going to happen when Kurt found out? Sure, his chest was normal, and Kurt was happy to stop at the touch of the fingertips now, but not always. What was going to happen when Kurt felt comfortable enough to just touch Blaine whenever and wherever he liked? Would the still-there slight curve to his torso be noticeable? Would his slightly larger pelvis draw notice? Would Kurt press too close and wonder why nothing was between Blaine's legs? Would it even occur to him?

Everything evaporated when they hit the stage and he met Kurt's eyes. Blaine felt so happy with Kurt looking at him, shy, maybe a little punch-drunk. Kurt was broadcasting bashful heart-eyes, and Blaine was the one who made him feel like that.

When Kurt threw himself into Blaine's arms at the ovation, he knew he would do anything to keep this.

That night, he went on the internet again. He knew he could find something cheaper than surgery and more realistic than a rolled up sock, and he did. For about an hour, he compared prices and reviews and then used the prepaid credit card he'd bought to buy a packer. It had some kind of scary attachment that sent the dysphoria simultaneously flaring and going out in his chest. It wouldn't be too bad, though. He'd figure it out and then he could stand while he used the bathroom. He'd always been afraid to use the bathroom while other guys were in because the sound was different. He didn't care if they thought he was a shy pee-er or if he was dropping the kids off at the pool, but he really didn't want anyone to know he sat to pee. So now he wouldn't. Maybe if it looked real enough, he'd consider using a urinal.

That night he dreamt of Kurt. He dreamed that they were older, married, had adopted a boy and girl, and were living in New York. Not the actual city, but the suburbs just beyond where they could have a green fenced-in yard. He dreamed that they were making love and woke up in tears because in the dream, he'd been cisgendered, and suddenly the dream felt like a taunt. He was never going to have that.

Well, fine. Maybe Kurt would leave him. Maybe he wouldn't. But right now, they were together and Kurt was hopefully too in love to notice the way Blaine angled his hips away from their hugs until the mail delivered… his package.

Anyway, he soon had bigger things to worry about. Kurt's old school was having a performance and Kurt had asked him to go. It was in the evening, so Blaine was going to have to wear something besides his Dalton uniform. That meant he was dressing to impress a boy, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd done that. Worse, he thought maybe the last time he'd done that might have involved a dress. He pushed the memory of school dances and bloody borrowed formal wear to the back of his mind.

He didn't have a lot to choose from, so he just picked out his favorite ones, mixed them up, and tried not to think about it. If he convinced himself he looked like James Bond, it would all work out fine.

They went to dinner at Breadstix and talked about what the Warblers were going to do now that they weren't going on to Nationals. He remembered the feeling of their hands folded together the day before when they buried Pavarotti, when he saw firsthand how deeply Kurt could love something most people wouldn't have cared about. Blaine wondered if he was like Pavarotti. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like that little bird. People didn't mind him around, even liked the songs he sang, but they liked him in a cage where they could easily throw a blanket over him when he was getting too annoying or acting too different. He couldn't picture most people crying over their Warbler dying. Kurt had barely known Pavarotti, and he had sung a song for him. He'd decorated a coffin for him, cried when they buried him.

When they walked out of the restaurant, Blaine was twice as in love as he'd been when they walked in. At this rate, they'd have to stop spending time together or he was simply going to explode.

They ran into Karofsky, and for a second Blaine was scared. Then he did something he never pictured himself doing: he hit the bully. Shoved him. Blaine was ready for an all-out fight. After all, what was the boxing for if not to protect those he cared about? Sure, Karofsky probably wasn't going to really attack them, but Blaine wasn't taking any chances. Not with Kurt.

He was spared the brutalities when Santana cut in. He was grateful. Willing as he was to fight, he didn't really want to.

The show started out rough and then got better. Not just because they were holding hands behind the wall of that pseudo-balcony. It was such a good night until Santana pulled him away from Kurt.

"Okay, Warbler spy," she began in a tone that was simultaneously terrifying and disinterested. "Let me make one thing clear to you. Kurt is very important to those of us here at McKinley. We gave him to you, yes, but that was for him. Whether you're making him happy or the change of scenery, I'm still not one hundred percent clear, but if I find out you-"

"Spare me the theatrics," Blaine cut in confidently. "If I hurt him in any way, you have my full permission to go all Lima Heights Adjacent on me. But I won't. I think- I'm pretty sure- I love him."

This threw her, but she was straight back to her serious threatening demeanor a moment later. "Good. But remember- razor blades. All up in there." She gestured to her hair as she backed away and he couldn't hide the small smile. It was nice to know that someone at McKinley cared that much about Kurt. He'd been worried that no one did. After all, Kurt had to transfer to Dalton to feel safe.

He fell into bed so, so happy.

Unfortunately he woke up a few hours later completely miserable. This time, he'd dreamt of Kurt finding out and leaving, and then of Santana coming after him.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: Gone  
TPD: Born This Way

Ever since they'd gone to that concert at McKinley, Kurt had been almost nonstop about how much he missed his old friends. Blaine tried so hard not to take it personally, but each time Kurt mentioned it, he felt it chipping away at all of his happy thoughts.

Blaine deflected or tried to change the subject constantly, but eventually he had to talk about it. He played the Karofsky card. After all, if Kurt went back that closeted bully was still there. Nothing had changed. And Blaine wouldn't be there to protect his boyfriend. Of course, Kurt could probably take care of himself, but Blaine would spend every day worried out of his mind that maybe Karofsky would somehow trick him into a dark corner of the parking lot and beat the living crap out of him. The thought made Blaine nauseous with anxiety.

Which is why the news that Dave Karofsky wanted to meet with Kurt sent him reeling.

"My dad will be there. It's a meeting with both our dads. Principal Figgins will be there. I'll be perfectly safe."

Blaine stared at Kurt sitting on the foot of his bed. "But…"

"Blaine, I love that you care enough to be worried, but there's really no reason."

So Blaine forced a smile and dipped his head in a half-nod until he could force it into his eyes. "Okay," he replied. "You're right. Just promise you won't go back if he seems… If you think there's any chance it could be an act. I couldn't stand it if you got hurt."

Kurt smiled shyly. "Why, Mr. Anderson," he said and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck. "That is the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day." He grinned and kissed Blaine briefly before leaning in for a proper hug. "Besides, you'll still have me after school and on the weekends."

Blaine felt relief flood him and try to escape through his eyes. "What?" Kurt asked. "You think I'm not painfully aware that this means less us time?"

Blaine laughed a little. "It's just nice to know you haven't forgotten all about me already."

"I could never."

Blaine was glad the conversation ended there and they popped in the movie they'd picked out and cuddled. This was one of his favorite date activities. He could picture his life like this. It already felt like they were an old married couple- the kind that loved each other so much that they still spent their spare time together even though they were too old to be physically intimate. Maybe it was because he and Kurt weren't physically intimate. But they had that connection, right? He hoped so. He didn't want this to be a fluke. He… wanted to grow old with Kurt. He wanted to be old men cuddling on a sofa, watching old black and white movie musicals. Or, in this case, _Moulin Rouge_.

The next day, Blaine waited anxiously for Kurt's text about the meeting, trying (and failing) not to hope for it to all go south, for Kurt to tell him Karofsky seemed insincere, that he would be staying with Blaine.

But it didn't happen like that. So Blaine skipped his last class to swing by McKinley and found the first New Directions member he knew: Mercedes. They plotted deep into the night- well, afternoon- and Blaine talked to the Warblers the next day. He'd picked a fairly simple song, but it was perfect in every way. The Warblers learned it quickly and they all took a field trip to McKinley.

Blaine sang. The sun was in his eyes, but he forced them open. He wanted to see Kurt, wanted him to know he meant it. Blaine watched his fellow Warblers pat Kurt on the shoulder in farewell, and felt tears threatening to stop him singing when Finn hugged his boyfriend. This was happening. Kurt was leaving.

This was goodbye.

Kurt was accepted into the New Directions circle for several more hugs and Blaine struggled for control. He was not going to cry. Especially not in front of a bunch of strangers.

As he reached the end, Kurt turned and walked toward him. Blaine finished and Kurt pulled him into a hug.

_I'm never saying goodbye to you._

Blaine pulled away, hoping his watery eyes would say it all before he turned and started to hurry up the steps from the courtyard to the parking lot. He was not going to cry in front of a bunch of strangers at a public school without a strong anti-bullying policy. He turned back, seeing Kurt smiling with all of his McKinley friends.

It would be okay. Kurt loved him. Blaine loved Kurt, and that meant that this was where he needed him to be. Kurt was going to be a lot happier at McKinley. He'd liked Dalton well enough, but Blaine could see that the New Directions were family to Kurt. Not just classmates.

The next day at Warblers practice, Blaine found himself thinking about his friends at Dalton. He liked them and considered them good friends, but it wasn't family. Not like Kurt had at McKinley.

"Alright, so who can hit that high D?" David asked.

"It's just not in my range," the freshman tenor 1 fretted.

"So we'll get you some tighter pants. Pull them up when you need to hit the note."

Blaine grinned and glanced surreptitiously to his left.

Right.

Kurt wasn't there.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25: Girly  
TPD: Born This Way

"So I'm putting 'likes boys.'"

"Why?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged and looked a little uncomfortable. "I mean. I'm gay, and I don't want to change that, but it's caused… so much pain. Sometimes I think that, if I liked girls, everything would be better. My dad loves me, but I know he would have picked a straight son if he could. I mean- I'm not saying he'd ever change me or that he wishes I were different. I just."

"It's okay," Blaine interrupted. "I think I know what you mean. And that makes sense."

"What about you?" Kurt asked. "What would yours say?"

Vagina popped into his head before he could stop it. "I dunno," he said uncomfortably.

"Sorry," Kurt responded immediately. "You don't have to answer that. I mean, if-"

"No, it's alright," Blaine assured him. "I just wasn't expecting-"

"Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's not important. I mean- not-"

"It's okay," Blaine interrupted again. "I know what you meant."

"Good." Kurt relaxed into the sofa and slipped his hand into Blaine's. "So what should we do today? I feel like we have movie dates too much. We're going to become one of those boring old married couples if we don't inject some variety soon."

"What's wrong with boring old married couples?" Blaine teased.

"_Fiddler on the Roof_?"

"Well, if you insist."

Kurt got up to find the DVD and put it in the player. Blaine liked the Hummel-Hudson house. It was warm and homey. His parents valued expensive things and cutting edge design, so their house felt cold and professional. Even Dalton's penchant for tradition and rules felt warmer than his parents' house. He didn't want to go back there.

Kurt sat back down next to him as the menu screen came up and he leaned forward for the remote. They didn't quite cuddle as much here, but they sat close enough that it was the next best thing. Like any responsible parent, Kurt's dad wasn't a fan of them being too… intimate… at their age.

Blaine realized that the other reason he liked their movie dates so much more than going out for coffee or dinner or to see a show was that he wasn't afraid of showing affection for his boyfriend. He wasn't afraid to just hold his hand (and that reminded him, they weren't holding hands and he had to fix that) or sit close enough that their shoulders were touching.

He trusted Kurt. He definitely loved Kurt even if he hadn't said it yet. The last thing he wanted to do was scare him off, though it didn't seem likely that he would. Blaine just wanted to take things as slow as he could. The slower they went, the longer it would last. He would have to trust Kurt if he wanted this to work. Eventually Kurt was going to find out, and he had to trust his boyfriend to love him unconditionally otherwise what was the point in their relationship?

That's why, halfway through the movie, he suddenly said "Girly."

"What?" Kurt asked distractedly.

"That's what my shirt would say," Blaine stated. "Girly."

Kurt was giving Blaine his undivided attention now, and scoffed a little. He stared, as if waiting for Blaine to laugh or deliver the punchline. "Blaine, you're not even a little girly. You… You like football, and you're athletic, and you know how to do things with cars…"

"I don't like football all that much, actually," Blaine confessed. "I follow it because I want to fit in. I do a lot of things like watch football because it makes me feel less girly. I'm… terrified of being perceived as feminine. I mean. There's nothing wrong with being feminine or being female. I'm just… not."

"Definitely not," Kurt agreed. He leaned a little bit closer. "Thank you."

"For telling you I'm afraid of being girly?"

"For… trusting me."

Blaine smiled shyly at that. "You're wonderful."

"I'm missing the movie is what I am."

"Please," Blaine scoffed. "How many times have you seen this?"

"At least seven times," Kurt replied and they laughed.

Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug. This was good. This felt good.

He definitely had to keep this.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Family  
TPD: Rumours

Blaine was starting to feel the urgency of the year drawing to an end. He was just a little short on next year's tuition, and his parents were pushing for him to go to Crawford. Part of him wished he hadn't blown so much on bus trips to Lima or coffee dates with Kurt, and the other part of him was angry at himself for wishing he hadn't done anything related to Kurt. It was Kurt. Maybe he was exaggerating or fooling himself, but he was pretty sure he'd do anything for Kurt.

Except apparently tell him about his past.

Blaine couldn't think about that now. He'd made a meeting with the Dalton headmaster to ask if he could get a partial refund on his dormitory if he moved out. He explained that he needed the money for next year's tuition.

Luckily, the Headmaster was understanding and they had a transfer from another state that they really wanted but had no place for. He was all too happy to turn the last few weeks of Blaine's room payment into a credit for next semester's tuition.

So Blaine found the cheapest motel he could and moved into it. It was in Lima, so he still had to blow a bunch of money on the bus, but it wasn't like he wouldn't have been going back and forth anyway to see Kurt.

He kept to himself and tried to get noticed as little as possible. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to question why a high school sophomore was living alone in a motel room. The manager seemed to have his suspicions, but Blaine paid in cash, so it didn't seem to bother him enough to say anything to anyone.

Then one day Blaine was getting in late from a Warblers concert at a wedding reception and he saw a McKinley student delivering a pizza to someone in his motel. He ducked out of sight quickly, and was confused when the other boy walked into the motel room. Then Blaine realized he hadn't had a pizza, just the uniform.

Oh.

That Friday night he and Kurt had another movie date, but they had company. Burt, Finn, and Carole were all piled into the living room. He was thrilled to execute his carefully crafted plan when Burt suggested pizza and Blaine just happened to remember a certain delivery place that had been handing out coupons.

The movie was Sharktopus which Kurt wasn't too happy about, but Finn had just gotten it on DVD and Blaine didn't mind bad sci-fi at all. He especially didn't mind the part that startled Kurt into his side. "Scared?" Burt teased.

"Shut up," Kurt threw back and Blaine couldn't help but grin, and not just because Kurt was still close enough that Blaine could feel the warmth from his body. There was another kind of warmth in the room, too, and it took Blaine half the night to figure out that it was family. The Hummel-Hudson household was warm and loving and he adored being there. It felt like he was part of theirs on nights like this and they barely knew him. He wondered if they'd feel differently if they knew Blaine was different. He wondered if Finn would beat him up, or they'd all accuse him of lying or being some kind of fraud. He wasn't. Blaine wasn't a fraud. He was a boy. Kurt slipped his hand into Blaine's. He was a scared boy, and apparently it had shown on his face. At least Kurt thought it was the movie.

He was spared any more thoughts when the doorbell rang with the pizza. "We'll get it," Blaine volunteered.

"We will?" Kurt asked skeptically as Blaine tugged him off the sofa.

It went perfectly. Sam hadn't said too much, but Kurt was perceptive and it didn't take too much to get the truth out of him. Blaine had been wrong. He'd thought it was just Sam, not his whole family. Even better, Blaine hadn't had to say he'd seen anything and therefore didn't have to explain what he was doing at a cheap motel late at night.

Blaine felt amazing by the time Kurt walked him out to the porch. However, when Kurt revealed he was going to go over to Sam's, he realized he'd missed one important thing: what if Kurt saw him there?

They kissed goodnight and Blaine walked back to the motel, twice as careful about being seen as usual.

The next time he visited the Hummel-Hudson house, Carole was at work and Kurt was showing off his suit. Blaine really hoped he wasn't going to chicken out. This was so important to Kurt, and he wanted to support his boyfriend so badly, and he was so scared. He wondered if he'd be the kind to take a punch for Kurt or if he'd just lock up and…

"You okay?" Kurt asked.

They had to stop spending so much time on the porch. "I'm great," Blaine grinned.

"Good, because I'd hate to have to consider trashing that suit. I spent hours on it."

"The fact that you've even considered considering it speaks volumes," Blaine assured him and took his hands. He almost said _I love you_ but stopped himself. The last thing he wanted to do was make Kurt feel any pressure to say it back or to get in too deep or what if Kurt didn't feel the same? What if it scared him off? "You're going to be the most handsome guy at that Prom."

"And I'm going with the second most handsome," Kurt quipped. "I'll let you know when he gets here." Blaine leaned forward and kissed the other boy gently. When they parted, it took Kurt a moment, but he breathed, "Okay, you win. He's here."

Blaine laughed a little. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

"See you," Kurt beamed back.

Maybe it was the lingering glow of the goodnight kiss, but Blaine was careless when he went home that night.

"I knew it!"

Blaine whirled in horror to see Sam and started instinctively backing away. Sam followed and Blaine ran into the bushes, feeling cornered.

"Why are you following me?" Sam asked.

"I'm not-"

"Then how did you know I was-"

"Because I saw you the other night."

"So you just hang out at cheap motels late at night? Is there something you're not telling Kurt because-"

"It's not what you think," Blaine begged.

"Kurt's a good friend to me, Blaine," Sam said. "He's coming over to help, he's not telling anyone about this, and you're- what? Cheating on him?"

Blaine clenched his jaw. "I live here."

Sam scoffed, waiting for Blaine to admit he was joking or something, he guessed. "Wait. What?"

"Please don't tell anyone," he pleaded.

"What?"

"I live over there-" Blaine pointed to his room which was only a few doors down from Sam's- "and no one can know."

"Why not?"

"Please promise you won't tell."

"Tell me why."

"Because I live there alone."

"Where are your parents?"

"At home, traveling, I don't know."

Sam only looked more confused. "And they just let you live alone?"

Blaine opened his mouth to reply. He couldn't look Sam in the eye. "Please just promise you won't tell anyone. Not anyone."

"I suppose I kind of owe you," he replied hesitantly. "For not telling anyone about my family. Except Kurt, apparently."

"I didn't tell him," Blaine promised. "I just told them where to order pizza. I wasn't even a hundred percent sure you'd be delivering it."

"Okay," Sam relented. "I guess… it's not any of my business. And, unlike some people, I won't take matters into my own hands."

"Thank you."

Blaine went to sleep that night resolved to never be so careless again.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: I Want to Hold Your Hand  
TPD: Prom Queen

Blaine buttoned his dress shirt, reminding himself to take deep breaths. He hadn't worn a suit like this since the Sadie Hawkins dance. By the time he'd pulled on the trousers and was lacing his shoes, his hands were shaking. What if he called Kurt right now and told him he was sick? If Blaine had… food poisoning or…

That was stupid. That was idiotic. No one who uses food poisoning as an excuse ever actually has food poisoning and Kurt would see right through him. Besides, what if some jocks did want to cause trouble? Kurt would need him. Blaine needed to be the kind of boyfriend that would take a bullet for Kurt, and not the kind that got scared and faked sick.

By the time he finally got to the Lima Bean to meet his date, he felt like he might actually have food poisoning. Then Kurt got there, and their eyes met, and suddenly he felt so much better. The anxiety was still there, just under the surface, but somehow Kurt's presence kept him above water like a lifeboat.

Once they got to McKinley, it was a different story. They were about a block away, the school was in sight, and suddenly Blaine was too petrified to move.

"Kurt."

"Blaine?"

He gulped, desperately trying to fix the lump of sand in his throat. "I don't think I can do this."

"Blaine, it's-"

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Karofsky and Santana-"

"Can't be watching every single second. Kurt, anyone could-"

"But they won't." Kurt pulled Blaine into the shadow of a tree and cradled Blaine's face in his hands. "Do you want to go?" he asked softly. Kurt's face was lined with concern, and he was searching Blaine's eyes for any sign of what he needed.

This was the only reassurance that could have calmed him down. Kurt, trying to be what Blaine needed. Well, Blaine would be what Kurt needed. He just… needed some help.

"I don't think I can dance with you," Blaine confessed. "It's not- I want to. I really, really want to, but last time-"

Kurt kissed him. "This isn't last time, and I'm not going to be upset with you, Blaine. It's enough for you to just be there with me, okay? We can have plenty of fun without dancing."

"At a dance?" Blaine laughed miserably.

"We can still dance," Kurt reminded him. "In a group, next to each other, we don't have to be dancing together to dance together."

"You… are so amazing," Blaine said, biting back on the L word again.

"I know," Kurt beamed. He drew in for a quick kiss. "Now. Let's go in there and show the world that they can't touch us."

Blaine gave Kurt a drunk looking smile and offered his hand. Kurt took it and Blaine tugged him back to the sidewalk. The longer they were there in that gym with all of Kurt's friends, the better Blaine felt. By the time he got up on stage to sing, he was on cloud nine. He liked singing with the New Directions. Maybe he didn't have to go to Dalton. Maybe his parents would let him transfer to McKinley. Maybe it wasn't as bad here as he thought now that Karofsky had turned over a new leaf.

Maybe he could find a family here just like Kurt had.

Blaine was pulling for Santana and Karofsky of all people, so when Figging went up to announce Prom King and Queen, he paid attention. So did everyone else, it seemed. The anticipation was tangible. Everyone seemed like they had something riding on this. Karofsky won. Blaine grinned, and waited as Figgins read Santana's name.

Except it wasn't Santana's name.

Oh, god.

It was so quiet. There were a few catcalls and finally a truncated slow clap.

"Kurt, wait!" Blaine kept calling after his boyfriend and ran after him into the hall, offered to leave with him, offered anything but what he wanted to offer. McKinley wasn't safe either. He didn't want to hold Kurt, not here in this hallway. He listened as Kurt raged about how the hatred and ignorance had only become more veiled and, god, Blaine just wanted them to hurt the way Kurt was. He couldn't think anything else.

But Kurt was going back in. That was something Blaine would never have done. How had Blaine managed to find the bravest boy in all of Ohio? So, before Kurt could change his mind and become a thing of regret and fear like Blaine, he held out his hand. Kurt took it.

Together, they walked back into that auditorium and Blaine watched as Kurt was crowned and beamed as he said "Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton," like he'd wanted this embarrassment.

He watched Kurt and Karofsky exchange some secret words as they approached the dance floor, and Blaine wondered if this was the football player's moment. It wasn't.

Before he knew what he was doing, Blaine was walking into that empty circle. He held out his hand one last time. "Excuse me," he said and Kurt turned around. Blaine was glad to see that he'd been quick enough that the second humiliation hadn't had time to land. "May I have this dance?"

So Kurt took his hand and they danced and Blaine smiled nervously at him.

"I thought we weren't going to dance together?" Kurt asked when eyes were finally away from them.

"What can I say?" Blaine replied determinedly. "I have a thing for royalty."

Kurt's smile was all he needed to get through the rest of that night. He got back to his motel that night feeling invincible.

He was never going to get over Kurt now that they had conquered those bullies. And he didn't want to.

Kurt was perfect.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28: I Love You  
TPD: Funeral-New York

"Why are you calling me?"

"Where are you, sweetheart?"

"My name is Blaine."

"Yes, and sweetheart is an endearment that mothers call their children."

Blaine cringed. Part of him wanted to be happy, but the rest of him just felt the unspoken _it_ that went with his mother refusing to call him any name or son.

"Honey?" she prompted. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home."

"Are you living in a motel?"

That was how Blaine found out that sometimes he couldn't trust someone's word. Sure, he knocked and Sam said a whole bunch of things about being concerned for him and just wanting to make sure everything was okay, but he didn't know. Sam had no idea what he'd just unleashed. His mother was coming. She was getting him and his stuff and taking him back.

He was miserable. He missed the freedom that he felt even more keenly now that he was trapped in his parents' house. He missed feeling like himself instead of like an errant- child. He couldn't even think the word daughter, but he could swear sometimes he felt the ghosts of the parts of him he'd finally managed to expel. Blaine spent most of his time locked in his room because he couldn't stand interacting with his parents.

It hurt.

He could see them waiting for him to come to his senses, still. What did he have to do to prove to them that he wasn't making it up? That he was a boy, that he had to live this way or it would kill him? He just had one minor physical difference from the other boys at Dalton. Why was it a bigger deal than something like the color of his eyes or his height or his slightly curly hair? It was just some physical characteristic that he was born with. It shouldn't be such a big deal. People didn't even have to see it.

He was seeing less of Kurt between his parents' disproval and Kurt's rehearsals for Nationals, but at least he was seeing him.

The worst was that, even though his tuition credit at Dalton was non-refundable and non-transferable, they insisted they wouldn't pay for him to go back.

So he started to look for better summer jobs and found one. The auditions were about a week away.

It was the call from Cooper that finally broke him.

His parents wouldn't stop gushing about their son who'd landed a part in a commercial, who was making something of himself, who was going to be a big star.

Blaine might be a big star one day, too.

Blaine was their son.

He couldn't help it. He needed to hear Kurt's voice so he phoned him, knowing full well that Kurt was in New York.

"Blaine!"

Kurt sounded so happy to hear from him.

"Hey, Kurt," he said with a smile on his face to hide the despair he was certain would be in his tone.

"Oh, my god, Blaine!" Kurt grinned. "New York is amazing! We've got to live here."

"We?" Blaine echoed.

"Well, I mean-" Kurt seemed to realize what he'd implied. "I'm definitely coming back here for college and- I mean, the more roommates the better, right?"

"Definitely," Blaine grinned. Somehow the idea that Kurt saw them living together in the future had cheered him immeasurably. "New York is the place for us."

"Oh, god!" Kurt said suddenly and Blaine wasn't sure if he'd even heard Blaine's reply. "I have to go! Feathers, and- I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay," Blaine said as Kurt hung up. Kurt saw them living together, and Blaine would hang on to that future. He'd be out of high school soon enough. This wasn't forever. Besides, who cared about whether or not his parents approved of him?

The painful answer was that Blaine did. He cared way too much.

He was practically falling over himself to get to his coffee date with Kurt on Monday. He told him all about the theme park audition and they decided to go look at sheet music after.

Kurt was telling him about Nationals, lit up with enthusiasm, so excited about this city where he apparently saw him and Blaine living together in a couple years, and Blaine was hit with the realization that he wanted that. Of course, he'd already known he wanted that, but he realized he wanted that for his life. He wanted to spend his life with Kurt. He was so comfortable, and suddenly the idea of scaring Kurt off seemed ridiculous. So he said it.

Even as Kurt looked startled, gulping down the quick sip of latte, Blaine felt comfortable, read the pleased looked under the startled one, and wasn't worried about what he'd just said.

"I love you, too," Kurt replied, and for a second Blaine was reminded that Kurt might change his mind, that he loved who he thought Blaine was and not… who Blaine was. Sure, he knew Blaine so much better than his parents, so it wasn't the same thing, but for a moment, the dysphoria threatened to ruin the moment.

He smiled.

Kurt loved him.

That was all he needed. Kurt loved him, Kurt wanted to live in New York and share their dreams together.

It didn't matter that Blaine was different because Kurt loved him.

Hopefully unconditionally.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Vacation  
TPD: New York – The Purple Piano Project  
A/N: I know the song Blaine sings in this chapter wasn't released for a year after he sings it, but it just… I need it because it works so perfectly and it comes back around later. So much later that you'll have forgotten it's supposed to come back. So, please forgive me, and let's put it down to Glee continuity-itis, and call my fic even more canon because of it. (Also, this may be the longest chapter in the story even though I decided to end it earlier story-wise than I planned.)

"A word?"

Blaine glanced at his supervisor and nodded. Why didn't he have a good feeling about this word? He'd done alright in the big number for the early afternoon show by the ferris wheel stage…

"You worked concessions yesterday, right?" Mr. Meyers asked as soon as the door was closed.

"Yeah," Blaine said.

"Well, the till came up short."

Blaine froze. Tons of people had worked that popcorn stand yesterday. "You don't think anyone…?"

"Blaine."

He waited. Why was Meyers looking at him like he was guilty?

"If you tell me the truth-"

"I did not take any money from the till, sir," Blaine stated calmly. "I wish I could tell you who did or what happened, but-"

"I'm sorry, Blaine. You're fired."

"What?"

"Lucy saw you pocketing a twenty."

"She what? But I didn't- Mr. Meyers, I love this job. I would never-"

"The thing is, Blaine, if you'd just been honest-"

"I was honest-! I'm being honest!"

Meyers squinted at him. "I got a letter from social security, kid. There's a lot you haven't been honest about."

"Social security?"

"Care to explain why they have you listed as female?"

"Are you-? Take a look at me, Mr. Meyers. Do I look, act, or sound, in any way, female?"

"Well, either you're a girl, or you've stolen more than just twenty dollars from a popcorn till."

Blaine felt tears of humiliation welling up in him. "I'm transgender," he gritted out. "And I didn't steal any money."

"Well, I definitely can't have some tranny thief working for me," he said and Blaine felt like he'd been hit.

"That's discrimination."

"Prove it. You stole twenty dollars from a till. That's more than enough. Get out of my office."

Mr. Meyers' look was enough. Blaine barely heard the rest of what was spewed at him. He'd only worked at the theme park for a month. He didn't have enough for tuition, let alone housing next semester. What was he going to do?

"We've talked, sweetheart."

He hated hearing his mother say words like that.

"You're right, and it's not fair of us to uproot you from a school where you've got friends. You've had enough change to deal with, and forcing you to transfer schools this year isn't going to help ground you."

"I don't understand," he said, trying to extinguish the flame growing in his chest.

"We'll pay for your tuition," his mother said. His father remained stonily silent next to her. "We're sorry you lost your job, honey. So you can spend the rest of the summer acting like a teenager, alright? No more jobs, no more saving money. We're going to support you."

"Oh."

"Oh?" his father repeated. "That's it?"

"Yes, I mean- no. Thank you. I just- I didn't expect- Thank you."

He went back to Dalton the next day to talk to the headmaster. He was thrilled to learn that Blaine would be returning, partly because he knew this was where Blaine was thriving, and probably a little bit because of what he brought to the Warblers. But Blaine liked to think it was mostly the former.

He stopped in the practice room on his way out and sat at the piano, tapping experimentally at the keys when his pocket went off with Kurt's ringtone.

"Hey," Blaine smiled.

"Hey, yourself," Kurt replied. "What are you up to this fine day?"

"Nothing important."

"Movie night?"

"Absolutely," Blaine grinned.

"Great. I think Finn rented _Liar, Liar_ or something stupid and I'm never going to get through it without someone to roll my eyes with."

"Happy to help," Blaine said as the smile slipped off his face.

_Liar._

_Liar._

Meyers had called him a liar because he hadn't been open about his trans status. What if Kurt would feel the same way? He'd been so worried that Kurt wouldn't love his differences, but it hadn't occurred to him that it might seem like lying. But it wasn't lying. He was a boy. It wasn't lying.

"I'll see you around five, then?" Kurt prompted.

"Yeah."

"Love you," Kurt said with such ease that Blaine barely managed a "Me, too."

He hung up and his hands flew back to the keys, banging out a Kelly Clarkson song. He didn't know all the words, so he hummed some of them. "Will you stay even if it hurts?" he sang, humming again, so desperate that he was nearly crying. "…remind me who I really am, please remind me who I really am. Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Can you love me? Even with my dark side?" He cleared his throat. "Don't run away, don't run away- tell me that you will stay, don't run… away…"

He stopped singing, holding his breath again to stop himself from crying.

"Blaine?"

He coughed to cover his surprise.

"Trent, hey."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Trent stood awkwardly in the doorway and didn't leave. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but didn't know what. He finally settled on, "You don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if-"

"It's Kurt," Blaine confessed. "I just… I'm afraid he's going to hate me."

Trent leaned against a couch armrest. "Why?" he prompted. "Did you do something wrong?"

"No," Blaine shook his head vehemently. "There's just… something I haven't told him, and I'm afraid he'll think I was… I don't know. Lying to him."

"You're not… You don't have… HIV or something, do you?"

"What?" Blaine spluttered, wholly unprepared for that sort of question. "No, I-" But he couldn't say it.

"It's okay," Trent held up his hands. "I wasn't asking. But, unless it's something that could hurt him or you… I don't see why it should matter."

"It changes things."

"Does it?"

"I'm not… like other guys."

"What, do you put on a cape and tights and go out prowling for crime each night?"

Blaine laughed, and it felt good. He shook his head.

"You're secretly a mutant who can melt into a puddle whenever he wants."

"That's Alex Mack, and the most ridiculous super power I've ever heard of."

"You have a secret past as a drag queen," Trent went on and stopped when he saw Blaine's face. "Wait. Do you have a secret past as a drag queen? I mean… Not that anything's wrong with-"

"I don't have a secret past as a drag queen," Blaine answered softly. "But I used to… I was born female."

"You what? No way."

Blaine nodded. "I don't have… It's not… I'm not a liar. I'm a guy. I haven't lied about anything, it's just… What if he doesn't see it that way?"

"You won't know until you tell him. If he loves you, he can forgive you for an omission like that."

"But if he… I'm sorry if this is TMI, but I haven't had any kind of surgery… down there. And Kurt is gay. Really, really gay."

"You're worried he won't be interested in you that way."

Blaine nodded, biting his lip. "He says he loves me, but he just… He has an image of me and what if he loves that image and not… me?"

"Well…" Trent seemed at a loss. "I wish I could tell you more than just that you won't know until you tell him. It sounds like you've sort of reached the point where his reaction isn't going to change if you get any closer. He loves you right, Blaine?"

Blaine only nodded. His throat was tight and it was painful to breathe around it.

"Then he's not going to hurt you."

"Maybe not intentionally."

"All I know is that he's a good guy, Blaine. And relationships are about trust, right? If you can't trust him to react well, you're doing a bad job of being in a relationship with him. Honestly, I can't picture him shunning you or… It might take some getting used to, but if he loves you, it shouldn't matter. Right?"

Blaine nodded, but he wasn't so sure. Maybe it shouldn't matter, but it did. It did to Blaine, so why shouldn't it matter to Kurt? He felt sick on the bus ride to Lima and he was painfully aware of what was in his pants. Trent seemed perfectly accepting of him, but Trent wasn't dating him. Trent didn't have to worry about what he looked like naked because he'd never have to see it. Blaine had to see it, and Blaine was bothered endlessly by it. It didn't happen too often anymore, but sometimes he could barely make it through his shower.

He just wanted to forget.

Luckily, Kurt answered the door with a smile and suddenly he did forget. He could easily get addicted to this.

"So, I was thinking," Kurt began, sitting sideways on the couch to face him, "I know how you love that blazer, but if you transferred to McKinley, you could spend all that tuition on a more… variable wardrobe. And, of course, we'd see each other all the time, and…"

"Kurt," Blaine smiled. "Dalton is my school. The Warblers are like my brothers. You're the only person I know at McKinley. I'd probably just follow you around like a lost puppy."

"I see no problem with that," Kurt teased.

"Of course not," Blaine laughed and was momentarily taken aback when Kurt pressed a brief kiss to his lips.

"I just miss you," Kurt shrugged, serious now. "I know it's sappy and… But I basically miss you any time you're not right here."

Blaine smiled self-consciously as he took Kurt's hands. "I'm not making any promises," he said, "but I'll think about it. I really will."

Kurt beamed. "I miss singing duets with you," he confessed.

"Then we'll have to sing together more often."

"We definitely would if you were in the New Directions…"

"Kurt."

"Okay, okay," Kurt conceded. "I'll shut up for a kiss."

Blaine leaned forward and happily obliged.

He had a lot to think about during the movie. What if he did transfer to McKinley for Kurt? What if he transferred schools for a boy that left him as soon as he found out? Worse- what if Kurt hated him so much for it that he told everyone? What if it was Westerville all over again?

But Kurt wouldn't do that. He'd never subject anyone to treatment like that.

Whether or not he'd still want to be romantically involved with Blaine… Trent was right. He'd never be certain until he told Kurt.

So the question was… Where could he possibly start to explain?


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30: Bills, Bills, Bills  
TPD: New York – Purple Piano Project  
A/N: If anything ever seems rushed or glossed over, it's because I know you've seen these episodes and I don't want to just re-type them at you. BUT if you go back and rewatch things, you will see how this crap I'm writing really does fit.

"Mrs. Pillsbury?"

The timid ginger haired woman looked up with a welcoming smile. "Hello."

"I'm Blaine. My parents called you?"

"Yes!" she replied in the most chipper voice he'd ever heard. "Come on in. Shut the door."

He did as she asked and took a seat in front of her desk. "I haven't… decided to transfer to McKinley or anything, but my parents wanted me to talk to you anyway."

"Any particular reason?"

"I don't suppose they told you I was transgender over the phone?"

"No," she replied and hesitated. "I don't have a pamphlet for this…"

"That's okay," Blaine interrupted. "I don't need a pamphlet. I'm not… I've got all the information I need. I think they were probably hoping you could fix me, but-"

"Do you want to be 'fixed,' Blaine?"

"I-"

She smiled patiently.

"I don't think I'm broken."

"Then we won't try to fix you."

He couldn't help the small smile that slid onto his face. "I just… I guess you know I'd be transferring from Dalton? An all-boys academy?"

"Yes, I imagine it was hard. Was that your parents' idea?"

"No," Blaine frowned. "They wanted to send me to Crawford. An all-girl school."

"That's very supportive of them."

"No," Blaine corrected. "It's really unsupportive. I'm male. I was born female. Did you think-?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Right! Of course. I'm sorry. I thought-"

"It's okay," Blaine interrupted. "I guess… I'm concerned about what my file is going to say at McKinley. Whether it'll be right or have a great big F in the gender box. Whether the teachers will be confused or I'll somehow get outed because I just can't-"

"Blaine." He stopped and realized his mouth had run away from him. He took a deep breath to push the anxiety down. "I don't know too much about what we can or can't put in your file, but I'm sure that no one needs to know you're transgender. If you do decide to transfer, I promise your secret will be safe."

"And my old name doesn't have to go anywhere?"

"Is your legal name Blaine?" He nodded in response. "Then that's what will go on your transfer papers."

He smiled. For the first time since his parents had told him they'd changed their minds (a week before summer's end) about paying for his tuition, it felt like things might work out. He was still uncertain if they'd ever planned to pay for his tuition or if they were just trying to convince him not to earn the money himself.

He wondered if he was giving them too much credit. It didn't matter. Kurt was hinting heavily at how much he wanted Blaine to be at McKinley for his senior year, how it would make it magical, and Blaine didn't want to disappoint him. Besides, he'd gone ahead and spent the few hundred dollars he'd earned on new clothes and he felt dapper as all heck any time he dressed in something besides his Dalton blazer. He continued to play indecisive, though. Just in case something went wrong with his transfer. Nothing did, and he found himself at McKinley with an ecstatic Kurt in his arms.

_I did this for me._

"You've got to do that Tom Jones number for your Glee club audition, Blaine."

Blaine grinned. "Not Unusual it is. I'm thinking the courtyard. Familiar territory and all that."

Kurt drew closer and Blaine's gaze flinched to the busy halls. Kurt pulled away. "We should have a movie night," Blaine said.

"I can't," Kurt pouted. "But if you can wait until Saturday…"

"Saturday it will be."

The look Kurt was giving him made him feel like they were kissing, and that was something. "I'll meet you a few minutes before lunch, okay?" Kurt said, and added in a much softer voice "In the choir room? I'd like to give you a kiss. For good luck. Not that you'll need it."

Blaine grinned and felt his cheeks turning pink. "I'll take all the luck I can get."

The kiss was brilliant and took four of those five early minutes. If only it had given him more luck. He stared at the blazing debacle and couldn't believe it had happened on his watch. This was a disaster.

The next day when he officially joined the club, Blaine babbled through a speech that made him feel dumber by the second, and his day just kept getting worse as Finn went after him. Finn was Kurt's brother. Why did he seem to hate someone who made his brother happy? What had Blaine done to deserve this treatment?

Well, he'd earn Finn's respect somehow. He had Kurt, and that was enough. For now.

Then he heard three words that sent his spirit soaring: _West Side Story._


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31: Even if It Hurts  
TPD: I Am Unicorn-Asian F  
A/N: WEST SIDE STORY WEST SIDE STORY ALKJSFASLKDGJASOGKLJASG DO YOU UNDERSTAND NO BUT SOON

Operation: earn the respect of The New Directions was underway. He asked to attend "booty camp" to catch up. The fact that he'd get more time with Kurt wasn't exactly a downside either. Then Mr. Schuester brought in Mrs. Pillsbury and Coach Beiste as the directors of the play and he was automatically thrilled. Awkward as she may seem, Blaine was already attached to Emma Pillsbury. She was kind and she knew his situation and was perfectly okay with it. In fact, he felt reasonably certain that he could consider her his ally. He'd love to work with her.

This was his chance.

Except it was clear that Kurt wanted Tony. He wanted Tony badly. And Blaine was terrified of upsetting Kurt. He just wanted Kurt to be happy, and he wanted to do anything he could to make that happen. Besides, he could be just as happy playing Bernardo or… something. It wasn't worth losing Kurt or putting a strain on their relationship. Nothing was.

Except he wanted Tony so, so badly.

The day before auditions, they snuck their lunches into the choir room.

"What?" Blaine asked.

"Kurt Hummel's. Bulging. Pink. Fun sack," he repeated in a mortified tone of voice.

Blaine couldn't help it. He burst out laughing.

"It is not funny, Blaine Anderson!"

"It's a little funny."

Kurt shut his eyes in mortification. Blaine reached out and put a hand on his knee, inadvertently glancing at the door as if expecting some jocks to come running in to call them homos. "She's just trying to help, Kurt. Besides, maybe a little 'unicorn' in your campaign couldn't hurt. You don't want to fade into the background. You could make a difference. A real difference."

"Is there a reason you don't want to be seen with me?" Kurt asked softly.

"What?"

"It's just… the other day, I was going to hug you and you sort of looked around and… Well, just now. It's like you're ashamed of us."

"No," Blaine replied immediately. "Kurt, no… I just…"

He trailed off helplessly and Kurt prompted, "Just what?"

"I'm scared, I guess. It was just last year that you transferred to Dalton because a bully threatened your life, Kurt. Just for being gay. Not even acting on it."

Kurt gripped his hand. "Blaine, he's gone. And things are better. Granted, Finn just got slushied a couple days ago, but it's better."

"I never told you, but that Sadie Hawkins dance I went to? The reason I transferred to Dalton? I ended up in the hospital." Kurt's face was awful and Blaine almost didn't want to tell him the rest. "The boy I went with… He died. We just went as friends. All we did was dance together, and..."

Kurt opened his mouth but seemed to have no words, so he pushed the chair they'd been using as a lunch table aside and knelt beside Blaine, hugging him. Blaine half turned so he could wrap his arms around Kurt. "Kurt, are you crying?"

"What if it had been you?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he cried. "I know that's an awful thing to say, but… I don't know what I would have done if I'd never had you. If you hadn't been there to text me words like Courage. You saved me, Blaine, and I love you so, so much."

"I love you, too," Blaine whispered. He kissed the top of Kurt's head. "We're running out of lunch period, though. And if you don't stop crying, your eyes will be all red and your face will get all splotchy and I know how you hate that."

"You're ridiculous," Kurt said with a watery smile.

"Guilty as charged."

They kissed briefly.

"Do you think you could come to my dad's tire shop after school?"

"His tire shop?" Blaine asked. "Why?"

"I just wanted some feedback on my audition, and Rachel's too busy with her own audition to make a trip to the shop."

"Of course," Blaine replied. "I'd love to see it."

That was a mistake. Blaine had never seen Kurt in so few layers, and oh, god, he had arm muscles. They weren't big and bulgy like those body builders that made him want to vomit, but they were there and the way Kurt contorted himself to climb up those bars… It was all he could do to keep from groaning out loud.

"So what'd you think?"

"Ithinkisbrilliant," he spluttered. "I mean. It was really good. You can have any part you want. I mean-"

Kurt was laughing at him and Blaine was too flustered to even try to look offended. "Thank you," Kurt said graciously as he took Blaine's hands in his. "You are very sweet." He leaned forward and they kissed softly, which was not helping Blaine calm down after that performance. He just wanted to melt into Kurt and never separate back into his own separate person. Who needed to play Tony when their boyfriend was this sweet and talented and attractive and-

Blaine had to pull away as he felt Kurt's tongue. "Your dad could walk in any minute," he apologized. "And I really-" His face was on fire and Kurt was smiling so he stopped trying to explain. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Except then Burt Hummel did walk in and Blaine felt his face turn even redder.

"I'll let you get back to practicing, Kurt," Blaine said quickly. "Not that you need it."

"Thanks," Kurt replied, giving him another of those looks that made Blaine feel like they were kissing even though they weren't touching. "See you tomorrow."

Blaine thought he heard Kurt's dad start to say something about them, but he hurried out before he could hear it. His head was spinning and he was pretty sure he was going to vomit. In a good way. Maybe rainbows. He was just so full of Kurt and feelings and pure, unadulterated joy that it was going to just pour out of him because there was not enough room for it all.

He let that energy continue to fill him when he launched into "Something's Coming" at his audition. He was so jazzed until it ended.

_Would you mind reading for Tony?_

Yes, he would mind.

But, god, did he want Tony.

No, he wanted Kurt more.

What the hell was he going to do?

"Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

He answered just a little too quickly.

"Could we hear you read for Tony?"

"Shouldn't- Shouldn't a lead like that go to a senior?" he stuttered uncertainly.

"It should go to whoever's right for the part."

"I-" he clenched his jaw. He could- They asked. He didn't go looking for the part. They asked him. Kurt couldn't possibly hate him when they asked and he had nothing to do with it. Except for the fact that he said, "Okay."

It went well, and it was so right, and he was dreading the conversation with Kurt. The cast list was going up on Friday and they weren't going to get to spend too much time together before then, so how was he going to tell Kurt?

Except Kurt knew. And there were flowers and he seemed happy for Blaine. He wasn't mad.

It seemed stupid, now. To think that Kurt would be mad at him for getting a part. Kurt loved him.

_You always zig when I think you're about to zag._

Sure enough, Blaine was cast and Kurt was a little disappointed, but he smiled and congratulated Blaine anyway. He had to tell him. He had to explain why he wanted the role so badly, why it meant so much. And he had to _tell _Kurt. He just didn't know how, and he'd already waited so long and it just kept getting harder and harder and how could he possibly look Kurt in the eye and say "We need to talk." No one ever wants to hear those words because nothing good ever follows them and what if he transferred to McKinley sort-of for Kurt and then Kurt just left him? Just like that? Before he'd even made any real friends at this school. He'd be alone, and-

It was all he could think about until he'd convinced himself not to say anything yet. So they had movie night and were curled up on Blaine's bed. Kurt had poked through Blaine's DVDs until he found _Moulin Rouge_ and put it in. They'd both seen it so many times that it was more just something to break the silence while they cuddled. His parents were away on business, so he felt no reservations in singing Ewan McGregor's verse of "Come What May" softly to the boy in his arms.

It was when Kurt started singing Nicole Kidman's part that the trouble happened. Blaine couldn't look at him, and pulled away to hit the pause button.

"We have to talk."

Kurt was staring at him in horror. "You were just singing 'Come What May' to me," he uttered. "We don't need to talk. People who are breaking up need to talk, and people who sing that song to the person they're cuddling with aren't breaking up-"

"About Tony."

"About-? Blaine, I'm happy for you."

"But you're sad for you, and you have every right to be."

"I'm not upset, Blaine. There just… aren't a lot of romantic leads for guys like me. If I'm sad about anything, it's that. Not that you did well. I want you to do well. I love you."

"Don't say that," Blaine mumbled miserably.

"Why not?"

"Do you remember when we first started hanging out I told you that I was in a production of West Side Story in middle school and it was awful?"

"Yeah, you were in the chorus. Is that why you wanted to play Tony so badly?"

"I lied, Kurt. I wasn't in the chorus. I had the lead."

"So… This is some kind of second chance?"

"Yes."

"You didn't play Tony well enough the first time?"

"I didn't play Tony the first time."

"He's the lead."

"I played Maria," Blaine said quickly, staring at Kurt in terror. He bit his lip, feeling his hands shaking and tears threatening to build up behind his eyes.

Thankfully Kurt didn't laugh or ask him if he was serious. The look on his face must have been enough. "That's great, though," he tried to understand. "You were already playing cross gender roles when you were-"

"No, you're not understanding me," Blaine said. "I-" This time he bit his lip so hard that he tasted copper and his fear was threatening to overflow along with his dinner.

"Blaine, it's okay. Just talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I haven't been lying to you. I'd never do that. It's just… I love you so much and I don't want you to leave me, but you might not feel the same about me anymore and I can't fault you for that. It's just… I can't, Kurt."

Kurt was cupping Blaine's cheeks, practically distraught with concern. "I don't care, Blaine. Whatever it is, I don't care. Please. You're scaring me."

"I'm transgender," he replied, but the tears sent his voice up at the end so it almost sounded like a question.

"I don't understand." Kurt realized it must have been the wrong thing to say because he immediately added "but I want to. It doesn't change how I feel, Blaine. Just take a deep breath, okay? I love you and if you want to wear dresses sometimes then-"

"I don't want to wear dresses," Blaine interrupted, not feeling any less terrified. "I was born female. I've worn enough dresses. I'm trying to tell you that… that I don't have a- That I don't have the right parts down there. Just… please don't say you're too gay for me. Please don't say that."

He was expecting any number of questions or accusations or confusion or ignorant statements, but none came. Instead, Kurt pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back while Blaine continued to choke back tears. And then he started to sing. "There's no mountain too high, no river too wide. Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide, but I love you until the end of time." He hummed the chorus softly and Blaine clutched at him, not sure if he was calming down or getting ready to start crying harder because this was perfect.

Of course it was perfect. It was Kurt.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32: Anything  
TPD: Pot O' Gold

Blaine put the finishing touches on hair, still struggling with the question of how much was too much gel, but not really caring. He'd looked at his bed head that morning, and it had been too long, and he and Kurt hadn't gotten to see each other since the movie night. Burt was running for Congress and that was new and exciting, so Blaine couldn't fault his boyfriend for being distracted by that.

But he was still feeling horribly self-conscious. He knew having his hair loose didn't make him really look like a girl, but sometimes he just needed it under control. It was stupid and it made no sense, but it made him uncomfortable. When something made him uncomfortable, he fixed it. Even if it meant fracturing a rib.

Meanwhile, Rachel had apparently decided to run against Kurt and Brittany for president and Kurt was not taking it well. At least he had something to focus on besides the fact that he'd just found out his boyfriend used to be a girlfriend. So he was relieved when Kurt finally came over to hang out one afternoon, sprawling out on Blaine's bed. They were both lying like that, staring up at the ceiling like they were star gazing.

"I just need this so much, Blaine."

"Kurt. NYADA isn't going to care about whether or not you were president. If they're as good as everyone says, they will want you because you are the most talented boy in all of Ohio. Besides, too many extra-curriculars… That means no time to rehearse. Why shouldn't they pick someone who's managed to devote basically all of their time to honing their craft?"

"You are so sweet," Kurt smiled and drew closer so he could wrap his arms around Blaine's waist.

"I'm just being honest."

Kurt turned his head to kiss the arm Blaine draped over his shoulders. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"I mean about you being transgender?"

Blaine swallowed. "Yeah."

"I've been doing some reading-" Kurt had been doing reading? "-and don't worry, I'm not going to ask anything stupid like 'well, wouldn't it have been easier to stay a girl' because honestly I could never see you as one. Probably not even if I'd known you before. You're just so…" God, Blaine felt uncomfortable. But they had to talk about this. He had to be able to talk about this with Kurt or they were never going to be able to have a relationship. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… I'm going to ask stupid question and I'm really sorry about it. I love you and you know I'd never try to say anything to hurt you, right?"

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, his voice just a little too high.

Kurt squeezed him tight. "I mean it. So… my first question is if there is anything I should never, ever ask you."

"You can ask me anything," Blaine stated firmly. "I'm… To be completely honest, I'm probably never going to be fully comfortable talking about it, but I'm not going to shut you out just because-"

"I never want to make you uncomfortable."

"And I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about something. If something makes me too uncomfortable, I'll let you know. And I expect you to do the same."

"Okay. Then I guess… You don't… You've had top surgery."

"Right."

"Do you have scars?"

"No."

"But I thought-"

"Some guys are lucky enough that they can get the keyhole incision. It doesn't leave anything noticeable."

"Do you think you'll ever get bottom surgery?"

Blaine hadn't been ready for that question. "I don't know," he responded without thinking. Did Kurt want him to get bottom surgery? Would Kurt leave if Blaine told him he didn't think he would? He settled on, "It's really expensive, so it's not even an option right now."

Kurt seemed to sense he'd stepped into bad country, so he changed the subject. "I guess your parents were pretty supportive."

Blaine didn't reply.

"I only mean to let you go on hormones and get surgery so young."

"Y-yeah," Blaine agreed in a hurry. Cooper didn't even know that Blaine had obtained all these things illegally. Maybe he suspected, but he didn't care enough to do anything about it. Blaine was sure Kurt would, so that had to remain a secret. "I mean it all sort of snowballed after the dance."

Kurt tensed a bit and Blaine decided not to mention it again.

"Can I ask you something and you don't have to answer it? If you want, we can pretend I never asked… I don't even have to ask."

Kurt sounded like he was going to be sick. "I already told you that you can ask me anything," Blaine reminded him.

"Did they… Sorry, I just-"

"Anything."

"They hurt you."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, uncertain where all of the strength and confidence in his tone came from.

"Did they…?"

Blaine frowned. "Did they what?"

"It's just- I watched _Boys Don't Cry_ because it kept coming up when I was researching and-"

"Oh." Blaine hugged Kurt close. "I wasn't raped if that's what you're asking."

"Good," Kurt said and Blaine could feel him relax a bit. "I mean- Not good that you were attacked, but-"

"I got it." Blaine kissed the top of Kurt's head. "I think I was worried about it for a minute, though. They sort of… ripped my shirt open. Tyler tried to get me to back down, but I didn't listen. They kept calling me a girl, and I guess they wanted to prove their point."

Kurt propped himself up so that he was just inches above Blaine's face. He looked so sad, and Blaine wished he hadn't said anything. Again. Per usual. "I hate hearing about horrible things happening to you," he whispered, "but I'm glad you can trust me with it. You can tell me anything, Blaine. Absolutely anything."

"I love you."

"Especially that," Kurt grinned.

Blaine craned his neck to close the few inches between them and Kurt followed his face back down, cupping his cheek as they kissed.

"I love you," Blaine repeated and Kurt smiled.

He kissed Blaine one last time before admitting that he had to get going. They were having a family dinner at Breadstix.

Blaine walked Kurt to his car, accepting a goodbye kiss, and stood in the driveway feeling like he'd spent the afternoon dreaming.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33: Defect  
TPD: Pot O' Gold

Blaine had underestimated how badly Kurt was taking Rachel's running for president. He yelled something insulting as she entered the room and Blaine shot a look in Kurt's direction, but Kurt wasn't looking at him. This wasn't Kurt. This wasn't the boy he'd fallen in love with. Something was bothering him more than just Rachel competing with him, and Blaine couldn't help but wonder if it was him.

He couldn't help but remember that he'd told Kurt twice that he loved him, and Kurt hadn't echoed the sentiment back. In fact, Kurt had left. For a family dinner.

_I know you're a big deal at Dalton or whatever-_

Blaine felt like he'd been physically hit. He'd been agreeing with Finn. He'd been trying to help. "Didn't you just say something about us not turning on each other?" he mumbled, but the conversation had already moved on and Blaine was left wondering if he was really part of this group after all. He was part of Kurt and Kurt was part of the group, and it suddenly felt as if that was the only reason they tolerated him there. When he wasn't part of Kurt anymore, would he be shunned?

He asked Kurt to lunch in the choir room, determined to either save their relationship (as he'd now panicked into very real danger in his mind) or end it before Kurt could go on pretending it didn't bother him that Blaine was lacking a very specific body part.

Instead, they talked about the musical. "And I thought maybe your parents might be willing to donate a bit to save the show? I mean, especially when it's so important to you-"

"I don't think they have anything to spare-"

"Then how did they pay for your hormones and stuff?"

An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Blaine fought the urge to run and Kurt realized he'd said something wrong. "I'm sorry," Kurt finally said. "I didn't mean to assume- I'm not good at this, Blaine. I'm trying. I swear I am."

"It's fine," Blaine tried to smile. It was anything but reassuring. "I'll ask, okay? And I should get going. I need to stop by my locker before math."

"Okay," Kurt said and Blaine realized he'd been expecting Kurt to ask him to stay. To give him an "I love you," farewell. Anything but just let him go.

This time he sat away from Kurt in the choir room. Kurt made no move to rectify the situation and Blaine got up, not really sure what he was doing, telling everyone he'd prepared a song to remind them that Glee was about fun, not quite managing to look at them. And they were dancing. And Kurt was just sitting morosely in the back, like he'd rather be doing anything but singing Blaine's song, so Blaine reached out his hands, praying Kurt would take them.

He did, and Blaine felt alright for the first time since he'd realized Kurt left without saying "I love you." Mike danced through them, but Kurt came back. Then Artie broke their grip, but Blaine didn't mind. Kurt had been smiling while they were dancing, and Kurt was still smiling even if he'd abandoned Blaine to dance with the others.

It all came crashing down when Santana quit.

Kurt sat away from Blaine now, and he wondered how long it would be before Kurt ended things. Blaine hadn't had any interaction with Kurt unless he, Blaine, initiated it. Even then, it mostly consisted of short and uninvolved replies.

_It's time for us to part._

Blaine already hated Rory's song.

…_best for us to part._

He forced a smile onto his face, wondering how splintered it looked, noticing Kurt looked extremely unhappy throughout the whole song.

Kurt was definitely leaving him.

Blaine just wished he'd pull the bandaid off all in one go instead of letting Blaine sit there, feeling each individual hair slowly plucked from his body because Kurt was too afraid to just admit that he was _too gay_ just like Justin.

So Blaine sat there, bittersweet smile plastered in place, wondering if he was ever going to find someone to love him.

Rory's falsetto was beautiful.

Kurt was going to break him and Blaine didn't think he'd come back from it this time.

So when Kurt asked Blaine to stay for a minute, looking upset, Blaine wanted to run. But he couldn't. Running would only prolong the pain, continue ripping out his insides one hair at a time as their relationship peeled slowly away.

So when Kurt said, "I know you're upset with me," Blaine was so surprised he almost didn't hear him finish, "but I really just need a hug, so can we just be okay for five minutes and then we can go back to whatever it was-"

"Why do you think I'm upset with you?" Blaine breathed.

"Because of what I said the other day. About your parents. Bringing up… whatever I brought up."

"You're not…" Blaine shook his head. It didn't matter what miscommunication had happened. Kurt looked like he was falling apart, and Blaine wrapped him in the hug he'd begged for a minute ago. Blaine hugged him tighter as he started to cry.

"I'm sorry," Kurt sniffled. "It's just my dad is leaving, and he refuses to acknowledge that this job could be dangerous for him- I'm so afraid. Congress is stressful, and his heart…"

Blaine felt like an idiot. A self-centered idiot. Kurt had been upset and Blaine had turned it all on himself, pushing Kurt away instead of asking why he'd been so distant. "He'll be fine," Blaine promised, kissing the top of Kurt's head. "He knows his limits, how to eat healthy. I know you'll miss him, but he loves you too much to let something happen to himself."

"I hope you're right," Kurt whispered.

"Of course I'm right," Blaine smiled softly.

Kurt pulled back and kissed him quickly. "Are you doing anything after school? Movie night?"

"I would love that," Blaine said.

"So you're not avoiding me?"

"No," Blaine said. "I… thought you were avoiding me."

Kurt looked horrified. "No, I- It's just with student council, and my dad, and-"

"It's okay," Blaine shushed him. "It's done now. And now it's fine. Are we having this movie night at yours or mine?"

"I'll see you at mine. Five o'clock?"

"Perfect."

End note: And now you're all caught up to Tumblr. (Was pointed out that fic is hard to read there because no mobile site... or bad mobile site? I have a dumb phone, so I dunno these things.) I'll try to get some of my one-shots and other things posted here as well, but until then... I have a page directly on my tumblr (url is the same- blangsteryo) where fic is even organized by angst-level. So. I look forward to giving you an update soon I hope?


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